A "friend" Keeps asking me for money.

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
I've wanted to talk about this for a few days, But every time I write this, It makes me sound like a heartless asshole.

It may be possible that I'm coming up short spiritually. This person who is a "Friend? " keeps asking me for money, first I told him, I'd Leave him some in the mailbox. Then a few days later, He asked me again for more, Saying how he just got out of jail and can't find a job and he needs this or needs that. I told him, Last time, It's in the mailbox, He then a few days later began hitting me up on Facebook again for yet more money, This time I told him I didn't have it. He was like come on you got all that money from your grandpa and you are telling me you don't have twenty dollars? something about that Angered me, Like a whole lot,,, And I told him, You want money, Get a fucking Job!!,

I don't know what it is, But something about his Tact really pissed me off. So, I'm minding my own business there is a knock on the door, This just happened about twenty minutes ago. After I had already told him no and to get a fucking job, He shows up at my house staggeringly drunk asking me for money,.

This enrages me, I told him, You Do know there is this Coronavirus stuff going around and here you are showing up at my front door after I've told you no! Get the fuck out of here!!! He said I swear I'll pay you back tomorrow I need to go to Bowling green and My truck is out of gas!, I told him Look, man, I don't like that I told you No and you came to my home in person during this coronavirus crap! I Don't like that a whole fucking lot!, I said here's a new deal, Get in your truck and drive away or I'm about to break every social distancing rule there is with you!!! He left Cussing me...

This all makes me sound like a heartless asshole. But I feel boundaries were carelessly even harassingly broken here.


It's not that I won't help people, But Since when does no Not mean no? Since when does no mean you can show up to my front door and the story will change? Maybe I didn't handle this right, Maybe Somehow I'm the asshole here. I always like to help people when I can. But something about his attitude and residual to accept no, and then showing up at my house really pissed me off a lot.

Maybe I am an asshole, I at this point don't care. I can live with that. This probably makes me sound like a snob that won't help someone out, But Damn dude. I said no he came to my door, And during this corona crisis. It, Really just pissed me off beyond belief... And besides, that, Since when Can someone say, Come on, I know you have it, give me money. isn't that like an attempted mugging?

I can't walk up to bill gates and say, Hey man, I know you got twenty-five thousand dollars laying around. You have all that windows money.

I don't feel like an asshole, I feel mad...
 
Some people learn to manipulate others' emotions instead of learning a marketable skill. They can make you feel bad even when you know they are lying lazy parasites. You've done nothing wrong here, only tried to help even when you knew the guy would never pay you back. You didn't cause his problems. Sounds like they are self-inflicted, as many if not most problems are.

I've had pretty good luck getting rid of "friends" by loaning them money. Sometimes I never see them again. Others keep turning up, and I just keep asking for the money back. They don't usually hang around long.
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
Some people learn to manipulate others' emotions instead of learning a marketable skill. They can make you feel bad even when you know they are lying lazy parasites. You've done nothing wrong here, only tried to help even when you knew the guy would never pay you back. You didn't cause his problems. Sounds like they are self-inflicted, as many if not most problems are.

I've had pretty good luck getting rid of "friends" by loaning them money. Sometimes I never see them again. Others keep turning up, and I just keep asking for the money back. They don't usually hang around long.
Thanks, brother, I mean, My thing is, I like to try to help people, But I had already given him money twice and he asked again. I'd like to think I know the guy, But no one really ever knows anyone, I mean he asked me a third time within a week. I knew from the start I'd never see a penny of it back, It's not the money of it, It's the way he persistently kept coming back and when he showed up after I had said no, That was straight up overt manipulation Like he was certain I wouldn't turn him down in person or something.

It irked me somewhat.

Yeah, I think you are right though, It was an emotional parasite kind of thing, Because normally when someone says no that would have been it.

I know Vibes don't account for much, But, He's been giving off this strange vibe. I can't explain it, But, It's just red flag after red flag with him. I mean, part of me likes to help people, but if I had to be honest, If I never saw this guy again ever in my life, I don't feel like I would be at much of a loss for his friendship.

The vibe he gives off is, " Someway, I will find a way to get money from you, if I have to steal it"
 
Thanks, brother, I mean, My thing is, I like to try to help people, But I had already given him money twice and he asked again. I'd like to think I know the guy, But no one really ever knows anyone, I mean he asked me a third time within a week. I knew from the start I'd never see a penny of it back, It's not the money of it, It's the way he persistently kept coming back and when he showed up after I had said no, That was straight up overt manipulation Like he was certain I wouldn't turn him down in person or something.

It irked me somewhat.

Yeah, I think you are right though, It was an emotional parasite kind of thing, Because normally when someone says no that would have been it.

I know Vibes don't account for much, But, He's been giving off this strange vibe. I can't explain it, But, It's just red flag after red flag with him. I mean, part of me likes to help people, but if I had to be honest, If I never saw this guy again ever in my life, I don't feel like I would be at much of a loss for his friendship.

The vibe he gives off is, " Someway, I will find a way to get money from you, if I have to steal it"
Your instincts are spot on - this POS thinks that he has a right to what you own. Last year I turned away a guy who came to my mother's door looking for a handout because he gave off that exact same vibe, and a day or two later he came back in the middle of the night and stole her flowers from the front porch. Because to sociopaths like that, you're the bad guy for not giving them what they want from you.

And I think that this is how it's going to start - people are getting desperate financially right now and crime is going to soar. In Sicily the Italian government recently had to send in riot police to stop hoards of desperate and hungry people from looting the grocery stores. So how bad do you think this is going to be here in a few more weeks?

I live in the heart of New Orleans - there's a lot of poverty in a densely populated area, and this virus has hit this city like a speeding train. Every night I keep my ears peeled for the sounds of an intruder because the way things are going it looks like it's a question of when, not if, somebody's going to try to break in.
 

pigfarmer

tall, thin, irritable
Believe your gut. To a mooch like that anything other than an immediate and firm NO is a yes waiting to happen.
 

nivek

As Above So Below
I have a friend I've known for over twenty years now, one of the first people I met when I moved to North Carolina, I kind of treat him and think of him like a real brother to me and for at least 6 years or so I've been helping him out financially more and more...He doesn't come over all the time asking for money or anything however he does have a drug habit and gets into a bind financially from time to time and I end up getting him out of the hole...Sometimes I'll think about all the money I've given him but all in all I've come to the conclusion life is too short to worry about some things and it doesn't hurt me financially, so...

...
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
I have a friend I've known for over twenty years now, one of the first people I met when I moved to North Carolina, I kind of treat him and think of him like a real brother to me and for at least 6 years or so I've been helping him out financially more and more...He doesn't come over all the time asking for money or anything however he does have a drug habit and gets into a bind financially from time to time and I end up getting him out of the hole...Sometimes I'll think about all the money I've given him but all in all I've come to the conclusion life is too short to worry about some things and it doesn't hurt me financially, so...

...

There was a Friend I had, I don't know if people remember the story, His name was Quinton And In 2016 he overdosed at my house, He passed away shortly after that. Quinton was a true friend. Someone I loved, I would have broken my soul in half and shared it with Quinton.

This Guy his name is Brandon, He shows up usually looking for weed or someplace to dodge the police when they are looking for him, Drug habits in friends don't really bother me, I've learned over the years, Drug habits don't make bad people That's an old inaccurate myth, Good people, Truly good people, Will always be truly good no matter what drug they get hooked on.

No with Brandon, He shows up at my house, hangs out smokes my weed and even though I'm Nice to him, There was never this Deep bond of friendship or anything. He's just some guy that shows up looking for whatever I'm smoking,

" Which by the way, is always and only weed, I'm a weed purist" but yeah, No, Brandon is the kind of guy that if he's not down on his luck looking for something, I never see him.

Quinton on the other hand. Quinton was the kind of friend that even in his worst drunken stupor No one could ever talk smack about me to him, Quinton drove seventy-five miles on a work night to pick me up when my ex-girlfriend kicked me out to cheat on me,

I don't think it's fair to Judge friends on what they have or can or can't do for me. But Quinton was there when I needed him, Brandon is only ever around when he needs.
 

nivek

As Above So Below
And I think that this is how it's going to start - people are getting desperate financially right now and crime is going to soar. In Sicily the Italian government recently had to send in riot police to stop hoards of desperate and hungry people from looting the grocery stores. So how bad do you think this is going to be here in a few more weeks?

I live in the heart of New Orleans - there's a lot of poverty in a densely populated area, and this virus has hit this city like a speeding train. Every night I keep my ears peeled for the sounds of an intruder because the way things are going it looks like it's a question of when, not if, somebody's going to try to break in.

So it begins:

Looters target restaurants and small businesses left idle across US as lockdown enters third week: NYC and major cities see up to a 75% rise in burglaries while police forces are left depleted by infections

26970696-0-image-a-26_1586376098393.jpg
 

JahaRa

Noble
It's not that I won't help people, But Since when does no Not mean no? Since when does no mean you can show up to my front door and the story will change? Maybe I didn't handle this right, Maybe Somehow I'm the asshole here. I always like to help people when I can. But something about his attitude and residual to accept no, and then showing up at my house really pissed me off a lot.
If you were a woman you would know that some men don't believe No when they hear it. You are feeling betrayed. He is a sad sack bully so just ignore him and take a deep breath. You did nothing wrong and do not come off as heartless. You actually, to me, come off as someone who worries way too much about what others think of you.
 
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