I need advice.

Discussion in 'Social Hub' started by Shadowprophet, Jul 24, 2019.

  1. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    MY grandmother Has passed away, You guys will notice, I haven't gone on a three-week mourning spree with her as I had my grandfather.

    I have no hard feelings toward her, IT's just, I only saw her maybe ten times my entire life, One of those times She brought me a Christmas present which was a radio assembly kit, which may have started my love for science. However, It bothers me that I don't really feel anything, And this isn't the shock. I may never be able to mourn this, I didn't really know her.

    Someone, I need advice, Should I feel something? This is my grandmother. But She was a woman, Who preferred her solitude, She never once called me growing up ever, she never once came and visited me. I promise there are no hard feelings, But, Under these circumstances, Should a person feel anything? It's really like someone I didn't know at all has passed away. It doesn't feel like a great loss.


    The only things I really know about my grandmother is, She is the source of my mothers high IQ. She has been through college maybe twenty-five times acquiring various degrees.
    Her entire life she was so busy working and studying, None of us grandchildren really know her. According to my late grandfather ", she threw her entire life into college and nothing else really mattered to her not her children her not husband, nothing... I don't know how true that is, but I do know the only times I've ever met her was when She came to visit my mother, and then it was very clearly visiting my mother. That's only been about ten times since I was born.


    I just feel like Maybe there is something wrong with me if I don't feel anything. She was my grandmother after all..
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2019
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  2. michael59

    michael59 Celestial

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    I had the same struggle when my mother passed. She was really not a good person and certainly not a good parent, but she was my mom and I really did love her. When she passed, I just kind of felt numb.

    There's nothing wrong with you. It's difficult to understand but she was essentially a stranger to you and it affecting you a little bit, right? The important thing is to be there for the ones who will be devastated by her passing. Show them that you understand how important she was to them. Your mom will need you right now.
     
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  3. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    Thank you brother, It was a struggle between awesome and agree on this one, I really wish we had more appreciation options.
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2019
  4. michael59

    michael59 Celestial

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    Glad to help if I can. I don't really think I did too much here. lol

    Just for further reference, not that it's a big deal but, Shadowprophet, I'm a woman. :)
     
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  5. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    Can I explain something, Many women over the years have asked me, Why I address everyone as bro.

    Suffice it to say, In my mind, I consider you a complete Equal, While I know Gender is an important thing, While I'm online, People are just people and words are just words, I tend to call everyone bro, Even women, This is ironical because I never want there to be any awkward tensions between me and others,

    I'm already an Awkward person socially, Having to maintain gender identity for friends online is complicated because yes, Socially I do treat women differently, I generally give them more respect an courtesy, I'm from the southern united states, We are notorious about our intricate courtesies. Knowing you are a woman, Would only make me want to call you Mam or miss, And open doors for you and things. It's built into my culture. So, While Online, I tend to observe everyone as Bro, It makes things easier for me.

    But for the record, Now that I know, I will make a mental note of it Bro :laugh8:
     
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  6. pepe

    pepe Celestial

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    Think of your own passing and get a sense of how you would like to think of all those who knew you were acting. Nobody wants those left behind to be sadder than they already feel. If anything a room full of laughing people in reflection is the ideal and the context for once doesn't matter.

    The Irish do it best.
     
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  7. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    Thanks, brother, I tend to overthink things sometimes. Maybe I do feel something, Maybe there is a Regret that I never really knew her. But yeah, I know she probably wouldn't want people being sad on her account.
     
  8. Survivor

    Survivor Adept

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    I have been going emotionally numb for the past year or so, which led me to ask similar questions to myself even though my situation is different from yours. I decided that trying to force ourselves to feel the "right" emotions is pointless. We feel what we feel and don't really have much say in it. It seems like you have already dealt with her passing on a conscious level and honestly, that's what counts. Please don't be harsh to yourself.
     
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  9. pigfarmer

    pigfarmer tall, thin, irritable

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    Fookit. You knew her and at least politely acknowledge her passing with genuine emotion. Big insincere crocodile tears won't help anything.

    I tend the family grave site. I'm the only one left. It'll be there long after I'm gone and nobody will be left to remember. It might sound cheesy and cliched but at least remembering her for who she really was is important. People tend to get a pass for poor behavior after they die which is understandable and can be damned annoying. Sounds like her epitath should be 'had more important things to do ......'
     
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  10. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    I had the emotionally numb phase for years, Trust me that path can lead to insensitivity If it's possible. It's best to feel things. I am no expert on processing emotions though.
     
  11. nivek

    nivek As Above So Below

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    Welcome back, good to see you here again...q37

    ...
     
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  12. Toroid

    Toroid Founding Member

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    Not feeling something for someone you barely knew isn't unusual.
     
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  13. Survivor

    Survivor Adept

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    Didn't think anyone would recognize me so I appreciate that nivek.
     
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