Processing things

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
Before I go into this. Know That I post this here. Not for pity or grief. This doesn't fit on Twitter. Youtube is heartless and wouldn't care. I have to process these events. and If I don't write them down. then I can't process them. This is an outlet for me.


I had to go to a funeral today. My great uncle passed away. He was a Vietnam veteran, I was made a pallbearer, It was an amazing service. I didn't know that when they folded the flag to present it to the family that each fold had meaning. It was a beautiful service. It was after the funeral When I went to see my grandfather in the Nursing home. My grandpa has dementia. I hadn't seen him in almost two years. So, I took it upon myself to go see how he was doing.


I never went because I was afraid to see him, I was worried he wouldn't remember me. If I hadn't seen him, I would have never known, His condition is way worse than I thought it was. He has reached a point, That he can not stay awake and you have to wake him and he mumbles for a moment and falls asleep. I almost cried.

I never went to see him, Because I was afraid to see him. And When I did. It was worse than I imagined.
 
Last edited:

3FEL9

Islander
Strong of you to share shadow.. Maybe if you visit him a few days from now, he could be in a better state and more awake.
Could it be strong medication sedating him ? When you visited ?
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
Strong of you to share shadow.. Maybe if you visit him a few days from now, he could be in a better state and more awake.
Could it be strong medication sedating him ? When you visited ?
Thank you, brother. I've asked my grandmother. She says he does have better days than he had today. I'm going to start visiting him more If I get lucky and he has a good day. I need to talk to him one more time, It's been too long :)
 

nivek

As Above So Below
I have a couple friends who cannot deal with issues like you describe, but you need to think about this in a different way...Put your own feelings and thoughts aside and visit him for him, not for you...This is about your Grandfather and his condition, no matter your feelings you must be able to set that aside and be there for him...

My mother was married to a very old man, one of a few marriages for her...Well after some time his health deteriorated a lot to the point he was confined to a bed...My two brothers never went and spoke to him in the bedroom where he had to stay when they visited my mother, they did not want to deal with that situation...That in my eyes was extremely shortsighted and selfish...I felt so bad for him, thinking he is hearing them all in the living room with my mom and they don't even go and spend any time with him...So whenever I visited, the entire time I spent with him, if my mother wanted to say something to me she had to come into the bedroom because I was not leaving that room until I left their house...Sometimes we just watched some television and had small talk but he got the company he needed..I should add that my mother took very good care of him until he died, she would not let Hospice into her home, she did everything for him...I was so upset with my brothers for their ignoring him...

So go see him, do it for him, not for you and you will find when you leave him your whole outlook on that situation will change...

...
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
I have a couple friends who cannot deal with issues like you describe, but you need to think about this in a different way...Put your own feelings and thoughts aside and visit him for him, not for you...This is about your Grandfather and his condition, no matter your feelings you must be able to set that aside and be there for him...

My mother was married to a very old man, one of a few marriages for her...Well after some time his health deteriorated a lot to the point he was confined to a bed...My two brothers never went and spoke to him in the bedroom where he had to stay when they visited my mother, they did not want to deal with that situation...That in my eyes was extremely shortsighted and selfish...I felt so bad for him, thinking he is hearing them all in the living room with my mom and they don't even go and spend any time with him...So whenever I visited, the entire time I spent with him, if my mother wanted to say something to me she had to come into the bedroom because I was not leaving that room until I left their house...Sometimes we just watched some television and had small talk but he got the company he needed..I should add that my mother took very good care of him until he died, she would not let Hospice into her home, she did everything for him...I was so upset with my brothers for their ignoring him...

So go see him, do it for him, not for you and you will find when you leave him your whole outlook on that situation will change...

...
Thank you, Bro, He does Need it. At this point, I'd give anything just to find him on a good day and play cards with him again. After thinking about it for a long time. I realized I was running because there is this fight or flight response I have, I've been running from it, Pretending that it all wasn't real. even when I thought about my Grandpa. I would think of him at home. I've not been facing reality. and right now, It's really important that I do, Thank you brother :)
 

pepe

Celestial
Before I go into this. Know That I post this here. Not for pity or grief. This doesn't fit on Twitter. Youtube is heartless and wouldn't care. I have to process these events. and If I don't write them down. then I can't process them. This is an outlet for me.


I had to go to a funeral today. My great uncle passed away. He was a Vietnam veteran, I was made a pallbearer, It was an amazing service. I didn't know that when they folded the flag to present it to the family that each fold had meaning. It was a beautiful service. It was after the funeral When I went to see my grandfather in the Nursing home. My grandpa has dementia. I hadn't seen him in almost two years. So, I took it upon myself to go see how he was doing.


I never went because I was afraid to see him, I was worried he wouldn't remember me. If I hadn't seen him, I would have never known, His condition is way worse than I thought it was. He has reached a point, That he can not stay awake and you have to wake him and he mumbles for a moment and falls asleep. I almost cried.

I never went to see him, Because I was afraid to see him. And When I did. It was worse than I imagined.

Be there when he dies if possible. It pays a huge dividend even if the moment seems scary. I've been there for family members as close as can be and even though I was freaked out, I know how it went down.
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
Be there when he dies if possible. It pays a huge dividend even if the moment seems scary. I've been there for family members as close as can be and even though I was freaked out, I know how it went down.
You're right. It's one of those kinds of things. If I'm not there. I will spend the rest of my life regretting it.
 

3FEL9

Islander
I have a couple friends who cannot deal with issues like you describe, but you need to think about this in a different way...Put your own feelings and thoughts aside and visit him for him, not for you...This is about your Grandfather and his condition, no matter your feelings you must be able to set that aside and be there for him...

My mother was married to a very old man, one of a few marriages for her...Well after some time his health deteriorated a lot to the point he was confined to a bed...My two brothers never went and spoke to him in the bedroom where he had to stay when they visited my mother, they did not want to deal with that situation...That in my eyes was extremely shortsighted and selfish...I felt so bad for him, thinking he is hearing them all in the living room with my mom and they don't even go and spend any time with him...So whenever I visited, the entire time I spent with him, if my mother wanted to say something to me she had to come into the bedroom because I was not leaving that room until I left their house...Sometimes we just watched some television and had small talk but he got the company he needed..I should add that my mother took very good care of him until he died, she would not let Hospice into her home, she did everything for him...I was so upset with my brothers for their ignoring him...

So go see him, do it for him, not for you and you will find when you leave him your whole outlook on that situation will change...

...

Just wanted to say thank you Nivek for ^^ :)
 
Top