psychology problems

[Ras]

I got a problem.

My mother is a single mother, sometimes me and my brother have to leave and stay somewhere far, i would usually go for work and my bro would go for his medical practical. If shes with my bro and im not around, she'll keep talking about me to my bro and when im with her and my bro isn't, it'll be the other way around.

Even if i were to make slight gesture when shes talking about my bro, she'll get very angry and sometimes she has even claim that i've said things like i don't like my bro or i don't want to hear about my bro.

I dont know but my bro said that its a problem that happens among parents and their child, they would have depression and anxiety when their child leave and stay somewhere far. Usually the older ones would get heart problems because of this.

My bro told me to talk and be with her often.

Anyone has any similar problem or other anything that is related to psychology problems, i'd to hear about it.

 

[3FEL9]

A lot of problems between ppl comes from
trust issues and lack of understanding.
Sometimes a person cant tell/share what he or she is going through (for whatever reason) and this alienates persons around them.

Just try to be as relaxed as possible and avoid any negative thoughts when you visit your mother. see if that helps,

 

[Dundee]

Two questions I have to ask is how old is your Mum, and does she live alone. I would say it is pretty normal for her to talk about each of you, in the others absence. Most parents would do that. Particularly if they are elderly, and or live alone. You often see it with Grand kids. A parent may constantly talk about one child's grand kids to another child who perhaps has none. Or if one grandchild is for example particularly successful at school. Another one to watch out for is when your mum gets old and needs more care, beware the perils of becoming the primary carer. Obviously some things an elderly mum has to deal with are more comfortable dealt with if your carer is female. Showering, incontinence, bedtime etc. So you as a female often fall into that role by default. Don't be surprised if you become public enemy no 1 if you do. This is very very common. Before my mum passed away at 80, she got mild dimensia, and many health problems. Dad had already gone by then and mum always wanted to stay in her home. She got so bad sometimes she would for example cook rice pudding but instead putting sugar in it she would make it with salt.
She would forget important medication, or take it twice. She would put things on to cook then forget about them which of course is a fire risk. You get the picture. My eldest sister put her life on hold for many years to look after mum, in the end staying there most nights. Mum resented the care because my sister had to almost be a Nazi as far as medication and care went. Mum would argue that she had taken her tablets when she had not and so on.
It was awful to watch. We all did what we could but my sister was the one who did the most, and the one who ended up almost being mums enemy.
I don't know your Mums age or mental health but these are all things you have to watch for with a single parent in declining years.
Don't know if any of this is relevant or not. But its how it was in my family ion mums last years.

 

[Ras]

A lot of problems between ppl comes from
trust issues and lack of understanding.
Sometimes a person cant tell/share what he or she is going through (for whatever reason) and this alienates persons around them.

Just try to be as relaxed as possible and avoid any negative thoughts when you visit your mother. see if that helps,

Well, we were talking the whole day today, shes kinda angry with her sister..

Hate or like, am always there, im staying with her now. But what im worried about is her condition. Shes having some forgetfulness problem due to iron deficiency and shes taking the iron pills. But im worried she might have something else also.

Two questions I have to ask is how old is your Mum, and does she live alone. I would say it is pretty normal for her to talk about each of you, in the others absence. Most parents would do that. Particularly if they are elderly, and or live alone. You often see it with Grand kids. A parent may constantly talk about one child's grand kids to another child who perhaps has none. Or if one grandchild is for example particularly successful at school. Another one to watch out for is when your mum gets old and needs more care, beware the perils of becoming the primary carer. Obviously some things an elderly mum has to deal with are more comfortable dealt with if your carer is female. Showering, incontinence, bedtime etc. So you as a female often fall into that role by default. Don't be surprised if you become public enemy no 1 if you do. This is very very common. Before my mum passed away at 80, she got mild dimensia, and many health problems. Dad had already gone by then and mum always wanted to stay in her home. She got so bad sometimes she would for example cook rice pudding but instead putting sugar in it she would make it with salt.
She would forget important medication, or take it twice. She would put things on to cook then forget about them which of course is a fire risk. You get the picture. My eldest sister put her life on hold for many years to look after mum, in the end staying there most nights. Mum resented the care because my sister had to almost be a Nazi as far as medication and care went. Mum would argue that she had taken her tablets when she had not and so on.
It was awful to watch. We all did what we could but my sister was the one who did the most, and the one who ended up almost being mums enemy.
I don't know your Mums age or mental health but these are all things you have to watch for with a single parent in declining years.
Don't know if any of this is relevant or not. But its how it was in my family ion mums last years.

My mother is 56, shes not alone, im staying with her now.

 

[3FEL9]

Well, we were talking the whole day today

Thats good. Step #1 Talking
Try to steer the conversation into subjects you both enjoy and appreciate. Building trust between u 2

 

[Ras]

Thats good. Step #1 Talking
Try to steer the conversation into subjects you both enjoy and appreciate. Building trust between u 2

I dont think its a trust problem. Im like her personal secretary and always talking, only yesterday i was in Petaling Jaya to see some companies, i was there the whole day, i came back late.

 

[Shadowprophet]

In psychology, this is called Empty nest syndrome

Empty nest syndrome - Wikipedia

It is natural. And most parents go through it, especially when the children are just beginning to forge their own lives.
The only cure for empty nest syndrome is to shower your mother with love and appreciation. It's almost like a form of depression.

And it's perfectly normal

 

[3FEL9]

I dont think its a trust problem. Im like her personal secretary and always talking

Hmm. You mean you feel shes like controlling you or phaps treating you in a not soo good manner ? Are you angry with her ?

 

[Ras]

Hmm. You mean you feel shes like controlling you or phaps treating you in a not soo good manner ? Are you angry with her ?

Nope, non of the above.
Im confused and worried about her, sometimes we might be busy and i dont know how is she going to be.

In psychology, this is called Empty nest syndrome

Empty nest syndrome - Wikipedia

It is natural. And most parents go through it, especially when the children are just beginning to forge their own lives.
The only cure for empty nest syndrome is to shower your mother with love and appreciation. It's almost like a form of depression.

And it's perfectly normal

Thanks, i think so too.
Shes a investor, shes always with us, maybe that why..

 

[3FEL9]

Im confused and worried about her, sometimes we might be busy and i dont know how is she going to be.

Shes a grown woman, 56, Still young.

Why shouldnt she be fine ? She raised your family ( Unless u had a nanny ) .. Are you worrying too much ¿¿

 

[Ras]

Shes a grown woman, 56, Still young.

Why shouldnt she be fine ? She raised your family ( Unless u had a nanny ) .. Are you worrying too much ¿¿

Don't know, maybe i am.

 

[3FEL9]

Don't know, maybe i am.

Thats fine,, You care .. Its a good thing .. Just remember to stay happy also..

 

[Dundee]

Well, we were talking the whole day today, shes kinda angry with her sister..

Hate or like, am always there, im staying with her now. But what im worried about is her condition. Shes having some forgetfulness problem due to iron deficiency and shes taking the iron pills. But im worried she might have something else also.



My mother is 56, shes not alone, im staying with her now.

A noble and loving thing for a daughter to do. But reread and research the primary carer issue I described.
It is real and very very common. Your sacrifice may be greater than you think in time to come. I am not being mean here. I have just seen the cost first hand. If heaven forbid your mums health does decline. Your care wll increase, and her appreciation for you may decrease.
All the best Diva

 

[CasualBystander]

I got a problem.

My mother is a single mother, sometimes me and my brother have to leave and stay somewhere far, i would usually go for work and my bro would go for his medical practical. If shes with my bro and im not around, she'll keep talking about me to my bro and when im with her and my bro isn't, it'll be the other way around.

Even if i were to make slight gesture when shes talking about my bro, she'll get very angry and sometimes she has even claim that i've said things like i don't like my bro or i don't want to hear about my bro.

I dont know but my bro said that its a problem that happens among parents and their child, they would have depression and anxiety when their child leave and stay somewhere far. Usually the older ones would get heart problems because of this.

My bro told me to talk and be with her often.

Anyone has any similar problem or other anything that is related to psychology problems, i'd to hear about it.

She is a woman.

Women talk just to make noise.

If you want a woman to stop talking about something - go into problem solving mode and start giving her advice.

Women talk about what they view as problems for rapport building purposes and aren't the least bit interested in solving them since they would have less to talk about.

Giving them advice breaks the cycle.

 

[Dundee]

She is a woman.

Women talk just to make noise.

If you want a woman to stop talking about something - go into problem solving mode and start giving her advice.

Women talk about what they view as problems for rapport building purposes and aren't the least bit interested in solving them since they would have less to talk about.

Giving them advice breaks the cycle.

@nivek Can we please have a couple of extra buttons added next to like, agree, asewome etc. Can we have the buttons, "Dislike", "Pig", and "This person is an Asshole" added

 

[Ras]

She is a woman.

Women talk just to make noise.

If you want a woman to stop talking about something - go into problem solving mode and start giving her advice.

Women talk about what they view as problems for rapport building purposes and aren't the least bit interested in solving them since they would have less to talk about.

Giving them advice breaks the cycle.

You have a daughter right? Does she behave like this also?

Not all the woman are the same.

 

[Dundee]

You have a daughter right? Does she behave like this also?

Not all the woman are the same.

Diva my friend, this is a topic close to your heart and emotions, you have seen how obtuse CB can be. Are you sure you want to put yourself through the stress of taking on this nut job. It is like arguing with a drunk person, nothing gets in.

 

[Sheltie]

Your mother needs to accept the fact that you and your brother are no longer children. Her relationship with the 2 of you has now changed forever. She must accept this and move on.

Unfortunately, family members know how to push our buttons. I have no doubt you care greatly about the well-being of your brother. Saying that you don't care about him is an attempt to manipulate your emotions. You need to be emotionally supportive of your mother to a reasonable point. She has the right to express her true feelings to you but she doesn't have the right to control you with guilt.

 

[CasualBystander]

You have a daughter right? Does she behave like this also?

Not all the woman are the same.

I'm not really critical of the activity. Female voices are my favorite background music.

I've just learned not to get involved and turn off my analysis facilities.

No my daughter doesn't behave like this. She is pretty quiet and stoic. She is about as level emotionally as you can get.

She does do some rapport building conversations. But 95-98 percent of the time it is like talking to a guy that isn't that interested in sports.

I find being around her to be very calming.

Back to the brother issue. She is just venting. This habit can't be new. Probably too much of a pattern to change easily.

Is she trying to manipulate you in some way to influence your brother?

 

[3FEL9]

Diva my friend, this is a topic close to your heart and emotions, you have seen how obtuse CB can be. Are you sure you want to put yourself through the stress of taking on this nut job. It is like arguing with a drunk person, nothing gets in.

Now wheres the xtra 3 buttons you ordered ?