I have an overabundance of nervous energy today and some of it'll wind up here.
So. Third dog attack a couple of years ago. Walking my dog down the road and let her pee on the fire hydrant that every dog in the known universe comes to pee on. Back out into the middle of the road, right on the line that goes down the middle and I see not one but three dogs come boiling down off a steep hill and towards me. There are two houses that border the hydrant and are set back a short distance up on a steep hill. There was a woman just standing there in the yard yelling but not doing anything at all. Two of the dogs just barked and carried on, the third clamped onto my dog's delicious neck. That's when I threw old rover a beatdown to remember right on the painted line and sent him scampering away yipping.
A few hours later it was super hot and I was alone and had to get out of the house so I decided to take myself for a walk. Sure enough as I go down that stretch of road a minivan cruises up very slowly behinds me and literally brushes my arm. I see the dog and a man who appears to be in his thirties staring daggers at me. He pulls into his garage and I see him crouched down peeking at me from around the door edge. Uh huh. So I stop in the road at the end of his driveway and wait for him to come out. He does but not too close and starts in on me. Pissed, understandably. He ranted on about how good his dogs are, how they've never done something like this and how I was trespassing. Trespassing - by letting my dog pee on a public fire hydrant. I let that go on a while and pointed out that his dogs could easily been hit by a car and killed or that other much larger dogs roaming loose could chew them up and that there is a goddamned leash law anyway, which I was obeying by having my dog on a leash and on a public road. Told him it was his own fault and also that we live in the same neighborhood and is best to not go nuts and to try to deal with this calmly. Didn't work. He blew his top, started going on about his security cameras.
That's when it happened. He told me I had trespassed and - get this - he has a carry permit and is prepared to defend himself. He put his hand behind his hip as if to draw a handgun.
Indeed. Well, it's odd what goes through your head in those situations. Like a bowl of petunias one was 'oh no not again.'
Another was good thing for him this isn't an Old West shootout because if it were let's just say I have considerable experience with that. You never know who you are dealing with.
I got mad at that point and told him go ahead and shoot me, I'll just hold still. Also that he should call the sheriff's office and give them my name address and telephone number, which I provided, and that he should relay every word about this incident to them. Also that he should pull the security camera footage he kept going on about and show them everything. They never called me or bothered me in any way. In fact, he put up a fence and kept his dogs behind it after that. Not a coincidence - I'm sure he got a talking to about the gun as the county sheriff is the permit issuing office they don't take things like that lightly. Had they actually come to speak to me there is some chance I'd know the deputy from the combat pistol league I shot in for years. Go figure. I have never needed the taxpayers to arbitrate any of my personal life.
OK, this is going on long so here's the punchline.
Three days ago I am standing in Big Orange doing my thing, the store's dead and it's very early. In comes this guy, my neighbor. Thing is, I've dealt with his several times with a mask and several without and he never recognized me. He's a dick. Well, I just wanted to step away and let him get whatever and then leave but no, he looked for me and found me and had the object of his ire before him in what he thought was a prostate position; in my stupid apron and therefore constrained in my words and behavior. True, but not applicable in this case. He asked where I lived and called him by name and said yes, it's me and I have been waiting on him to recognize me and that I had helped him several times in the past.
Suffice to say it didn't go quite as he imagined and now he thinks he's my new pal. Really. Heard all sorts of nonsense from him at first but I can really turn frosty, plant my hands on my hips and let him run his mouth right out of steam. He reeked of his own insecurity and it was obvious and to be honest I deliberately subtly physically intimidated him. Easy to do with that one, he leads with his glass chin. He got the message. I believe by the ancient rules I actually own him now and can put him on a leash, that little turd.
When he finally left - because this took several minutes - he wants to get together and plan a block party. Really! From the man who threatened to shoot me.
That nitwit pulls a 9mm every time he takes a piss.
