It's a matter of trust.

Ok.

So in this day of sexual freedom, where it is generally found that both men and women have come to expect it to be normal and a 'right' to have as much sex as they can get before they are married,the following question arises.

Can you expect your partner to give up having sex with others once they are married to you ?

HAL9000 said:

Ok.

So in this day of sexual freedom, where it is generally found that both men and women have come to expect it to be normal and a 'right' to have as much sex as they can get before they are married,the following question arises.

Can you expect your partner to give up having sex with others once they are married to you ?

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I don't think that is an unreasonable expectation? Why do you ask? Are you planning on getting married and looking for reasons/excuses you can give your future spouse for infidelity? If you don't want to give up having sex with others then you should not bother with the legality of marriage, just live together until you get tired of each other. Marriage is expensive in so many ways if you think it is transient. If you decide you are in it for the long haul then do it, otherwise just stay single.

JahaRa said:

I don't think that is an unreasonable expectation? Why do you ask? Are you planning on getting married and looking for reasons/excuses you can give your future spouse for infidelity? If you don't want to give up having sex with others then you should not bother with the legality of marriage, just live together until you get tired of each other. Marriage is expensive in so many ways if you think it is transient. If you decide you are in it for the long haul then do it, otherwise just stay single.

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I'm married, have been for 43 years. So it's a bit late for me.

I was just exploring the principle. Things were very different when I was young.
For a woman to have a child out of wedlock was very serious indeed. Today they don't seem to be bothered by this. I do know a few who don't even know just who the father is.

HAL9000 said:

I'm married, have been for 43 years. So it's a bit late for me.

I was just exploring the principle. Things were very different when I was young.
For a woman to have a child out of wedlock was very serious indeed. Today they don't seem to be bothered by this. I do know a few who don't even know just who the father is.

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Well, I am probably as old as you and I knew girls in the 70's who did not know who the father of their child was. That is not new. But really, my answer would have been the same in 1970 as it is now, if you can't keep it in your pants, or the female version, if you can't keep your pants on then don't waste the time, emotion and money to get married. But then I grew up with parents that did not get along, dad had affairs and seemed to hate us. He was miserable but my mother insisted that she would not divorce him. When I was 13 I told her to throw his stuff in the street and change the locks and she was shocked that I would come up with something so mean, but he was miserable and made sure we were too when he was around. She was usually not present, even when her body was sitting at the dinner table, she was not there. It was a bad habit she started when she was a kid and could not handle the stress of what ever, so she actually was miserable too. If kids are involved they are better off with two separate but happy parents than two miserable together parents.

But even if there are not children, there is no rational reason to be married (legally responsible for ...) If you are not going to stop running around with other people. It is insanity, society is not requiring people to marry and procreate nowadays, and procreation has always happened outside of marriage and cause a lot of pain because of societies rules.

And, no matter what someone thinks, if they marry another there are expectations, even if they think there aren't.

Another edit: Emotions cannot be taken out of the equation no matter how much you want to.

HAL9000 said:

I'm married, have been for 43 years.

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Congratulations, that is quite a while, I know of a few other older couples who have been married for decades, is that your first and only marriage?...I cannot speak much to this thread topic, I've never been married nor do I have children out of wedlock, although I have been in various relationships speckled about in my past life...

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nivek said:

Congratulations, that is quite a while, I know of a few other older couples who have been married for decades, is that your first and only marriage?...I cannot speak much to this thread topic, I've never been married nor do I have children out of wedlock, although I have been in various relationships speckled about in my past life...

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It's the second marriage. The first one lasted about five year.

Unfortunately, it seems we are genetically programed to reproduce ourselves, (All living things are) and this requirement will normally take up the best part of our lives; say from 18 to forty years old.
But after that, when we have done out duty to maintaining the species, what happens ?

This natural imperative is so strong that few even consider it until it is too late. Upon reflection, many would prefer to stay single. Marriage means that you are in a perpetual state of compromise. Not a good way to live.

I was once involved in a quite deep conversation on another site concerning this subject.
Seems that many thought I was a misogynist at best. A MGTOW pusher at worst.

Actually I'm neither.

Just wish I had stayed single.

JaHaRa,

..Well, I am probably as old as you..

I'm curious, how old do you think I am ?

HAL9000 said:

I'm curious, how old do you think I am ?

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I know you didn't ask me but without cheating I would assume your in your early to mid sixties...I'll be 57 tomorrow, about eight more years until retirement for me...

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Anymore takers ?

HAL9000 said:

JaHaRa,

..Well, I am probably as old as you..

I'm curious, how old do you think I am ?

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Well if you were married for 5 years before you married your current wife, I suspect I was wrong, because that would make you in your 70's (unless you married at 13) and I am in my 60's. I thought you were in your mid to late 60's.

JahaRa said:

Well if you were married for 5 years before you married your current wife, I suspect I was wrong, because that would make you in your 70's (unless you married at 13) and I am in my 60's. I thought you were in your mid to late 60's.

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You are correct in your reasoning.

I'm 77 next Saturday

A true old git.

I was taught premarital sex was a sin growing up, But. i ended up finally marring my 49th partner at 29 years old and we both have been loyal to each other since, for 25 years now.lol

coubob said:

I was taught premarital sex was a sin growing up, But. i ended up finally marring my 49th partner at 29 years old and we both have been loyal to each other since, for 25 years now.lol

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Nice to hear that.

But in the context of today's 'looser morals' and the clear move towards promiscuity, does the same still apply ?

HAL9000 said:

You are correct in your reasoning.

I'm 77 next Saturday

A true old git.

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Yes..you are even older than me and I'm ancient...

I got married the second time at age 45 because I wanted to be and for some practical reasons. The desire to reproduce isn't the litmus test. Not interested in having kids, glad I didn't make the mistake of doing that with the first wife.

I'll stick to dogs because if they misbehave you can legally chain them up in your basement.

** and no, I don't really chain up doggies ...... **

My friend used to bash me with the phrase 'you don't understand because you don't have kids' As if having them provides you with the Golden Wonka Ticket of Understanding Life, the Universe and Everything. Well, of course it gives you experience in doing something I haven't and probably insight to quite a bit. He bashed me over the head with that for decades and died with his children completely estranged from him. Uh huh. What was it I don't understand again, I missed that part?

I once wrote a piece on Forteana about the advantage of living alone .

It was quite popular, but Man, was I chewed out for it.

My kids by my first marriage are completely estranged from me. And thus so are grand children and great grand children.

HAL9000 said:

I once wrote a piece on Forteana about the advantage of living alone .

It was quite popular, but Man, was I chewed out for it.

My kids by my first marriage are completely estranged from me. And thus so are grand children and great grand children.

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Living alone, ruled by a dog or cat, is the way to go