Why Buddhism is truth?
- Thread starter Olivia Glad
- Start date
- Copy link Copy link
Olivia Glad
Honorable
These jokes about Buddhist monks and Buddhism are a pretty accurate reflection.
In fact, Buddhist jokes can help us have a better understanding about Buddhism.
1. A Zen master told me, “Do the opposite of what I tell you.” So I didn’t.
2. Says the Master to his pupil: “Do you understand that you don’t really exist?”
Upon which the pupil replies: “To whom are you telling that?”
3. Prince Gautama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: “Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.”
4. Someone sent the Buddha a gift box tied with a ribbon. Buddha opened it to find it empty. “Aha!”, he said, “Just what I wanted. Nothing!”
5. What does a Buddhist comedian say when the audience stops laughing?
“I know you’re out there. I can concentrate on your breathing.”
6. A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher. She asked him what she should have done: “what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response?” The teacher said very simply, “You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella.”
7. What did one Zen practitioner give to another for their birthday?
Nothing.
8. What did the Buddhist say to the pizza chef?
Make me one with everything. The pizza chef prepares it and gives it to the monk. The monk pays him and asks for the change. The pizza vendor says: “Change comes from within.”
9. How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb? There is no light bulb.
10. Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
11. Why did the Buddhist coroner get fired?
He kept marking the cause of death as “birth.”
12. A Buddhist phones the monastery and asks the monk, “Can you come to do a blessing for my new house?”
The monk replies “Sorry, I’m busy.”
“What are you doing? Can I help?”
“I’m doing nothing.” replied the monk. “Doing nothing is a monk’s core business and you can’t help me with that.”
So the next day the Buddhist phones again, “Can you please come to my house for a blessing?”
“Sorry,” said the monk, “I’m busy.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m doing nothing,” replied the monk.
“But that was what you were doing yesterday!” said the Buddhist.
“Correct”, replied the monk, “I’m not finished yet!”
~ Ajahn Brahm
13. A zen student asked his master: “Is it okay to use email?” “Yes”, replied the master, “but with no attachments.”
14. A student is on one side of a raging river. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the master on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?” The master shouts back: “You are on the other side.”
In fact, Buddhist jokes can help us have a better understanding about Buddhism.
1. A Zen master told me, “Do the opposite of what I tell you.” So I didn’t.
2. Says the Master to his pupil: “Do you understand that you don’t really exist?”
Upon which the pupil replies: “To whom are you telling that?”
3. Prince Gautama, who had become Buddha, saw one of his followers meditating under a tree at the edge of the Ganges River. Upon inquiring why he was meditating, his follower stated he was attempting to become so enlightened he could cross the river unaided. Buddha gave him a few pennies and said: “Why don’t you seek passage with that boatman. It is much easier.”
4. Someone sent the Buddha a gift box tied with a ribbon. Buddha opened it to find it empty. “Aha!”, he said, “Just what I wanted. Nothing!”
5. What does a Buddhist comedian say when the audience stops laughing?
“I know you’re out there. I can concentrate on your breathing.”
6. A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher. She asked him what she should have done: “what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response?” The teacher said very simply, “You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella.”
7. What did one Zen practitioner give to another for their birthday?
Nothing.
8. What did the Buddhist say to the pizza chef?
Make me one with everything. The pizza chef prepares it and gives it to the monk. The monk pays him and asks for the change. The pizza vendor says: “Change comes from within.”
9. How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb? There is no light bulb.
10. Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
11. Why did the Buddhist coroner get fired?
He kept marking the cause of death as “birth.”
12. A Buddhist phones the monastery and asks the monk, “Can you come to do a blessing for my new house?”
The monk replies “Sorry, I’m busy.”
“What are you doing? Can I help?”
“I’m doing nothing.” replied the monk. “Doing nothing is a monk’s core business and you can’t help me with that.”
So the next day the Buddhist phones again, “Can you please come to my house for a blessing?”
“Sorry,” said the monk, “I’m busy.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m doing nothing,” replied the monk.
“But that was what you were doing yesterday!” said the Buddhist.
“Correct”, replied the monk, “I’m not finished yet!”
~ Ajahn Brahm
13. A zen student asked his master: “Is it okay to use email?” “Yes”, replied the master, “but with no attachments.”
14. A student is on one side of a raging river. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the master on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?” The master shouts back: “You are on the other side.”
Kchoo
At Peace.
I like 14 the best.
Olivia Glad
Honorable
are you interested in Buddhism?
Kchoo
At Peace.
I think I am one and didn't really know it.
nivek
As Above So Below
Buddhism isn't truth unto itself, neither is Islam nor Christianity, nor Hinduism, no major or minor religion can be truth, but can carry bread crumbs of truths...Shaping a religion around an enlightened individual does not bring the truth of that person's existence with it...
Diva
Honorable
Nah I don't think he is 100% truthful, if I have not mistaken the Dalai lama is just a leader / chairman of a Buddhist society in Tibet and he may not always be right, imo.
ImmortalLegend527
The Messenger Of All Gods old and new
I have never tried to meditate to travel. I think, for the first time, I see why some can travel to places that I cannot, I just realized that.Meditation travel and what I do is totally different, I wonder where would I go or end up by meditating?I wonder which realm I would end up in if I took this route. I always wondered, how can mortals do what they do so easily, what am I doing wrong?I'm hungry bout to get on GTA, tired just got off work.I wonder is it a full moon tonight, hope nothing bad happens in the world so drained. Meditation how does one meditate
Hey umm, you do know what you thinking you're actually writing. Ok, thanks whatever.Just saying.How do you meditate Nevik, how far and which direction do you go?
Is it in years? can you see dates on newspapers or calenders? is it in HD or black and white?I never really traveled using a meditation as a way for entry?
How many times can you do this.. maybe per year would you say?
ImmortalLegend527
The Messenger Of All Gods old and new
After i found out that the universe is both male and female.Once I found out that these planets are actually eggs and that were children inside this egg and that water is actually sperm from the male side and that the sun is the heart of this universe and that every religion on this earth has been written and rewritten and written and rewritten over and over and rewritten for the last 5,000 plus years to a point in which...I just believe in Mother Earth and the Universe.
I studied polytheism all my life 'The Mother Goddess'
Budda from what heard is very peaceful, not like these other gods and cultures that represent ones god to a point in which you really start to question the whole art and punch line of what type of god is this?
3FEL9
Islander
Take a flight on an Airbus A380 from Schiphol to Changi. Then come here again and say
hes not 100 % truthful, what happens to man.
Diva
Honorable
Flying to Tibet, Kasi or Jerusalem doesn't make you a believer, it's all inside you, imo.
Nothing will happen, life will go on.
But they would see the world in a different perspective, imo.
Imo religion is some sort like learning science except science is about the material world and religion about the after life, spiritual world and etc.
3FEL9
Islander
For me buddhism is not a religion. I'm far from religious.. Its about how to ** behave **
3FEL9
Islander
Have you ever flown for 12hrs + ? Something happens.. Thats why there is powerful AC onbord ;-)
Olivia Glad
Honorable
Buddhism is the only truth in this world.
Olivia Glad
Honorable
Buddhism is a philosophy of life..not a religion....
Olivia Glad
Honorable
Buddhism is illuminating our lives, if we live according to that path...
cosmic joke
Honorable
i agree. any path that leads to illumination, in ones daily life, is worthy of practice. especially one that adapts itself to the times and the place. the 'fourth way' gave me just then that/now this. we, as individuals, are indeed ever changing. box me in not please. allow me to absorb, the practical 'gist', of all and everything. and thus move with the times and this place. lost and found.
Diva
Honorable
May I ask, what is religion to u?
Imo Buddhism is a religion because it has a belief system of the after life and etc.
Diva
Honorable
I disagree. What makes you think that?
What if I tell u that Buddhism came from Hinduism, so does that makes Hinduism the only truth one and not Buddhism? What is your opinion on this?
Last edited: