Is it cool to fogive someone that cheats.

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
I made the ungodly mistake of checking out my facebook today for the first time in I don't know, Maybe a year. I immediately remembered why I stopped using FB, The exact same people were all shouting the exact same sob stories for attention,

Person 1, OHH DOESNT JUST ONE PERSON CARE ABOUT ME!!!?? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME AGAIN FOR THE FIFTEEN HUNDREDTH TIME!!?? OHH I'm SUCH A WORTHLESS PERSON.

My reply, When someone cheats on you more than once, It's because you are a pussy that deserves it for continuing to take her back..

Of course, I got a lot of Feedback on that one. My reply to the feedback was When you choose to accept a shit life and live with shit, in shit, Then you are shit.

Next was, I'm Unblocking you, Tiffany, Not because I forgive you, But I'm doing this For me, I have no time to invest in this negative BS. My reply, If Tiffany is a problem, Why are you unblocking her? Clearly Blocking her was the right decision, So then, You must be unblocking her because you like it when she cheats on you?

I got negative feedback on that, My reply to the feedback was If you don't want your dirty laundry publicized and Judged by others, Don't make it public. If you don't want people to think you are a Weakling pussy without any fortitude, Then don't allow people who mistreat you to get a moral foothold on you after they have taken everything you hold sacred and desecrated it, Some things are forgivable, Some things are not. But Tiffany will always be a pile of shit Dewane...


I don't like this modern context, That someone who cheats and hurts another in this way has an out, Why is it in this modern social atmosphere, People who should be so ashamed of themselves that they should curl up and die, have a foothold to stand up and act like they are decent people who deserve to be forgiven and spoken to like they are upright walking human beings? A whore is a whore, That may be one fault I've always had, I've never treated a whore like anything other than a whore. They work hard to earn that title. And they deserve to reap the benefits of being a walking pile of human garbage.

I'm not an evil person, I'm not a mean person, I'm a person who sees people make innocent mistakes every day and they lose their jobs careers and families, But if some woman in a committed relationship decides to cheat, well, It must be because they can't control themselves, Oh how we should all feel sorry because some people can't keep it in their pants.

Fuck that, Everyone has been hurt by someone, A whore is a whore. My whore was a whore, Your whore was a whore. It doesn't mean I have to act like what happened was an accident or unavoidable.

If people can say the N word and lose their whole livelihoods, Then a whore remains a piece of garbage whore for cheating.

That's just the bottom line. The bottom line is, I'm not going to pretend that destroying someone's life is a forgivable thing, I'm not going to pretend that listening to Dewayne talk about suicide for six months is okay, Just because Tiffanys whoo haa was itching..

Some people are simply garbage people, And honestly, I'm sick of pretending I enjoy breathing the same air as them.

Honestly people can take this as offencive if they choose, But I'm not going to candy coat how sick society has become, i'm not going to soften how weak people have become, So weak that they accept their partners cheating on them. Because they simply can't face reality.

A weak ass pussy is a weak ass pussy, And a whore is a whore. End/
 
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Kchoo

At Peace.
One of the interesting things about humanity is how we hold to a false sense that we can control the most primative directive of being human... to procreate. We do this by attraction... physical, raw attraction. It is why we have so many people on the planet.

Is it really wrong to give in to a primal deep desire to mate, or is just how humans are wired?

Is it really correct to vow to never be with anyone else on idealistic termsbut then if we do “mess up” to be doomed by our own ideals?

Perhaps the romantic notion of monogamy is not a realistic expectation?

I don’t know. I know being cheated on can hurt, for many reasons... but maybe some of those reasons are just as twisted as the cheat, if not more so.
 
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pigfarmer

tall, thin, irritable
I have many 'primal instincts' I do not indulge beyond rubbing uglies.

You are in a relationship do what you want. Some people are incapable of ending one before they are beginning another. Call that what you will.

If you are actually married then that's a contract and a pox on you if you violate it. That's the whole f*****g point. There are always extenuating circumstances - but in general you are either married or you are not.
 

Rikki

High Priestess
forgiveness and the capacity to forgive is a virtue. I work with those who's lives have been shattered by senseless acts. The thought I could cheat on Bob or he cheat on me is alien. Brian almost broke up with Debbie over perceived "cheating'.
The law of three teaches us the truth. you don't need to do anything. The lords of Karma are cruel masters.
Blessed Be
Rikki
 

pigfarmer

tall, thin, irritable
It's absolutely possible to develop understanding and along with it forgiveness. But you can still intensely dislike someone for having broken your trust and not want to repeat the mistake. A much older friend who had a serial cheat for a husband once told me that you have to forgive and forget to stay with a person like that. Takes a special sort of wiring to do that in my opinion.
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
It's absolutely possible to develop understanding and along with it forgiveness. But you can still intensely dislike someone for having broken your trust and not want to repeat the mistake. A much older friend who had a serial cheat for a husband once told me that you have to forgive and forget to stay with a person like that. Takes a special sort of wiring to do that in my opinion.
In my eyes, One can forgive the act of cheating, But I would never be able to feel the same way about the woman. Truthfully, That it has happened to me before, I can say I forgave the woman, But I don't think I ever really did.

I'm not perfect, But there is no rule out there that really says I have to forgive that, It's just spiritually better if I do. But, Honestly, I can't and most likely won't be able to ever forgive something like cheating. I mean I could pretend I could forgive something like that for a show in the forums, and be all, happiness and sunshine and sparkles and trees, But no, That kind of thing destroys the foundations of trust in a relationship, once she cheats, It's done.
 

Kchoo

At Peace.
If you cheat you break your vow. Lke PF said, that’s the whole point of the vow... it isn’t the true test on the two... The result is the reality of love. Work it out, or let it die. A decision after the fact will represent truth.
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
If you cheat you break your vow. Lke PF said, that’s the whole point of the vow... it isn’t the true test on the two... The result is the reality of love. Work it out, or let it die. A decision after the fact will represent truth.
I guess the truth is different based on what the person needs and is looking for out of a relationship. For me, I've been in and out of relationships, It may sound cold or distant, But, No partner I could have is worth my dignity. I know everyone draws their own lines, But as for me, I never want to be faced with a decision like, Forgive her or lose her, Because I know, In someone's heart, they have already lost the person if that person cheats, It's the very tenant of a relationship, To exclusively have those kinds of relations shared only between those two and no one else.

The true test? What is this True test? A test to see if I can forgive some chick for violating my heart? my emotions?

Nah, The true test is over when someone cheats Because that is the reality. To pretend someone can somehow forgive or get over that, That's Happy hippy tree hugging, And I'm sorry bro, But BS, In my eyes, The trust test of love is over and done when cheating occurs.


I say that because I've never seen a relationship survive to cheat, in one way or another cheating will destroy it completely and change it Forever.

Yup yup.
 
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Kchoo

At Peace.
I guess the truth is different based on what the person needs and is looking for out of a relationship. For me, I've been in and out of relationships, It may sound cold or distant, But, No partner I could have is worth my dignity. I know everyone draws their own lines, But as for me, I never want to be faced with a decision like, Forgive her or lose her, Because I know, In someone's heart, they have already lost the person if that person cheats, It's the very tenant of a relationship, To exclusively have those kinds of relations shared only between those two and no one else.

The true test? What is this True test? A test to see if I can forgive some chick for violating my heart? my emotions?

Nah, The true test is over when someone cheats Because that is the reality. To pretend someone can somehow forgive or get over that, That's Happy hippy tree hugging, And I'm sorry bro, But BS, In my eyes, The trust test of love is over and done when cheating occurs.


I say that because I've never seen a relationship survive to cheat, in one way or another cheating will destroy it completely and change it Forever.

Yup yup.
I have seen relationships survive. Or at least, the partnership remained until death parted them. The illusion of perfect monogamous existence was destroyed, but they learned to cope. Cheating does not always become a habit, and it does not always mean the relationship is doomed. But It changed. Yes, they both had to change, and both had to let go of their pride and for a while they both felt they lost some dignity, yet they became powerful united partners in a host of tasks. Overcoming one failure and remaining partners for many successes, they were stronger than they were apart... and many people loved them as a couple. Their testimony saved many marriages... because they shared their pain and life lessons. Some who said they would have cheated did not, and some who did cheat, remained together as dynamic and powerful couples. Some parted, but remained good united fronts for their children. “Life is about mutual understanding of accepted boundaries and compromise.” They would say.
Accepting mistakes is one thing, remaining married to a habitual cheater, is not a good idea, but one cheat does not mean it is the end. Sometimes, it is a begining for some. Especially if a new child was brought in to the world.
...
The child as a young adult, learned who her father was, and found him. She walked up, introduced herself, and genuinely thanked him for giving her life. She asked if she could hug him. He declined... She said she didn’t expect or want for anything, but she wanted to say that and hugged him anyway... He looked into her eyes and saw his own eyes in her and could see in her the mother’s face, and hair, “You are beautiful, inside and out... I can tell..”

“I know.” She said. “I get most of it from my mom. Now I see another part of me, and I know why I am who I am. I have learned to give back to the community, because I am so lucky. To have so many parents. It must have been hardest for you. It took me a while to have the courage, and for my own safety, I watched you for quite some time. You are so much like my mom, and I know you, and I want you to know, I am proud to be your daughter. We are family.”

“I never knew. Till today....” he said. “But you are not my daughter... you are the daughter of those who raised you. “

“You don’t know... But I do... I am your daughter, not just in biology.... I learned by watching you. I am you too.”

“Wow.” His face turned white.

“I am sorry to spring it on you like this... and you need space... I can tell. Take all the time you need. I will be be there when you are ready. If you never are,
Just know that I love you and I will be watching, and learning, even if it’s is only from a distance....”

She walked away, and didn’t look back.

It took a few months, but he accepted his new reality. The rest is a private story, but later, she was married, and both of her fathers were their by her side., and alll of her parents dined together for the first time that day.... and they all recognized the common bond that became so much more than a mistake. It became a gift to them all.
 
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Shadowprophet

Truthiness
I have seen relationships survive. Or at least, the partnership remained until death parted them. The illusion of perfect monogamous existence was destroyed, but they learned to cope. Cheating does not always become a habit, and it does not always mean the relationship is doomed. But It changed. Yes, they both had to change, and both had to let go of their pride and for a while they both felt they lost some dignity, yet they became powerful united partners in a host of tasks. Overcoming one failure and remaining partners for many successes, they were stronger than they were apart... and many people loved them as a couple. Their testimony saved many marriages... because they shared their pain and life lessons. Some who said they would have cheated did not, and some who did cheat, remained together as dynamic and powerful couples. Some parted, but remained good united fronts for their children. “Life is about mutual understanding of accepted boundaries and compromise.” They would say.
Accepting mistakes is one thing, remaining married to a habitual cheater, is not a good idea, but one cheat does not mean it is the end. Sometimes, it is a begining for some. Especially if a new child was brought in to the world.
...
The child as a young adult, learned who her father was, and found him. She walked up, introduced herself, and genuinely thanked him for giving her life. She asked if she could hug him. He declined... She said she didn’t expect or want for anything, but she wanted to say that and hugged him anyway... He looked into her eyes and saw his own eyes in her and could see in her the mother’s face, and hair, “You are beautiful, inside and out... I can tell..”

“I know.” She said. “I get most of it from my mom. Now I see another part of me, and I know why I am who I am. I have learned to give back to the community, because I am so lucky. To have so many parents. It must have been hardest for you. It took me a while to have the courage, and for my own safety, I watched you for quite some time. You are so much like my mom, and I know you, and I want you to know, I am proud to be your daughter. We are family.”

“I never knew. Till today....” he said. “But you are not my daughter... you are the daughter of those who raised you. “

“You don’t know... But I do... I am your daughter, not just in biology.... I learned by watching you. I am you too.”

“Wow.” His face turned white.

“I am sorry to spring it on you like this... and you need space... I can tell. Take all the time you need. I will be be there when you are ready. If you never are,
Just know that I love you and I will be watching, and learning, even if it’s is only from a distance....”

She walked away, and didn’t look back.

It took a few months, but he accepted his new reality. The rest is a private story, but later, she was married, and both of her fathers were their by her side., and alll of her parents dined together for the first time that day.... and they all recognized the common bond that became so much more than a mistake. It became a gift to them all.

I'm not trying to Ruin anyones hard work, I mean if someone really does still love the person and want's to work it out, More power to those people. It's just, Being a person who's been cheated on, I don't think I could brother. I mean formally, I literally could forgive the person , It's not like I would hold on to this negative hate kind of feeling forever, I would forgive the action, But, the relationship would end as well though.
 
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Kchoo

At Peace.
I'm not trying to Ruin anyones hard work, I mean if someone really does still love the person and want's to work it out, More power to those people. It's just, Being a person who's been cheated on, I don't think I could brother. I mean formally, I literally could forgive the person , It's not like I would hold on to this negative hate kind of feeling forever, I would forgive the action, But, the relationship would end as well though.
Yes, I think they all probably all felt the same way, once. q10
 

Captain Tinkle

Honorable
I made the ungodly mistake of checking out my facebook today for the first time in I don't know, Maybe a year. I immediately remembered why I stopped using FB, The exact same people were all shouting the exact same sob stories for attention,

Person 1, OHH DOESNT JUST ONE PERSON CARE ABOUT ME!!!?? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME AGAIN FOR THE FIFTEEN HUNDREDTH TIME!!?? OHH I'm SUCH A WORTHLESS PERSON.

My reply, When someone cheats on you more than once, It's because you are a pussy that deserves it for continuing to take her back..

Of course, I got a lot of Feedback on that one. My reply to the feedback was When you choose to accept a shit life and live with shit, in shit, Then you are shit.

Next was, I'm Unblocking you, Tiffany, Not because I forgive you, But I'm doing this For me, I have no time to invest in this negative BS. My reply, If Tiffany is a problem, Why are you unblocking her? Clearly Blocking her was the right decision, So then, You must be unblocking her because you like it when she cheats on you?

I got negative feedback on that, My reply to the feedback was If you don't want your dirty laundry publicized and Judged by others, Don't make it public. If you don't want people to think you are a Weakling pussy without any fortitude, Then don't allow people who mistreat you to get a moral foothold on you after they have taken everything you hold sacred and desecrated it, Some things are forgivable, Some things are not. But Tiffany will always be a pile of shit Dewane...


I don't like this modern context, That someone who cheats and hurts another in this way has an out, Why is it in this modern social atmosphere, People who should be so ashamed of themselves that they should curl up and die, have a foothold to stand up and act like they are decent people who deserve to be forgiven and spoken to like they are upright walking human beings? A whore is a whore, That may be one fault I've always had, I've never treated a whore like anything other than a whore. They work hard to earn that title. And they deserve to reap the benefits of being a walking pile of human garbage.

I'm not an evil person, I'm not a mean person, I'm a person who sees people make innocent mistakes every day and they lose their jobs careers and families, But if some woman in a committed relationship decides to cheat, well, It must be because they can't control themselves, Oh how we should all feel sorry because some people can't keep it in their pants.

Fuck that, Everyone has been hurt by someone, A whore is a whore. My whore was a whore, Your whore was a whore. It doesn't mean I have to act like what happened was an accident or unavoidable.

If people can say the N word and lose their whole livelihoods, Then a whore remains a piece of garbage whore for cheating.

That's just the bottom line. The bottom line is, I'm not going to pretend that destroying someone's life is a forgivable thing, I'm not going to pretend that listening to Dewayne talk about suicide for six months is okay, Just because Tiffanys whoo haa was itching..

Some people are simply garbage people, And honestly, I'm sick of pretending I enjoy breathing the same air as them.

Honestly people can take this as offencive if they choose, But I'm not going to candy coat how sick society has become, i'm not going to soften how weak people have become, So weak that they accept their partners cheating on them. Because they simply can't face reality.

A weak ass pussy is a weak ass pussy, And a whore is a whore. End/

Totally agree with you especially in regards to putting it over social media.

I cannot understand why people feel the need to share their lives on Facebook etc...

I can only presume for attention which is exactly what this particular person was doing. Reinforcing is own lack of self confidence which this particular "lady" has obviously futher destroyed by cheating on him.
 

Wade

Stare..... They are always staring
I suppose my comment would be it depends on the circumstances were, sometimes when under the gun people resort to a situation that would otherwise be untasteful to them. We all think we would always take the high road on everything that's not always the case. It's easy to say what we would do it's not so easy to always follow through on it.
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
I suppose my comment would be it depends on the circumstances were, sometimes when under the gun people resort to a situation that would otherwise be untasteful to them. We all think we would always take the high road on everything that's not always the case. It's easy to say what we would do it's not so easy to always follow through on it.
I'd have to agree, I speak a pretty big game about condemning cheaters, But, I've experienced what it's like to try to work it out afterward, I even staid with the woman for a little over a year after she cheated, And To her credit, I don't believe she ever cheated again after that point. Eventually though, As time went by, The love faded and when that happened, Just remembering that she had cheated was enough to tip the scales toward me walking out on her.

"It made it very easy for me to leave and not feel like the bad guy. " But truthfully the relationship had pretty much fully run its course"

It's a complicated issue, As I read and see all the different points of view, I'm beginning to wonder if a situation like this has a right or wrong answer.
 

pigfarmer

tall, thin, irritable
I suppose my comment would be it depends on the circumstances were, sometimes when under the gun people resort to a situation that would otherwise be untasteful to them. We all think we would always take the high road on everything that's not always the case. It's easy to say what we would do it's not so easy to always follow through on it.

In my situation I had to good sense to immediately remove all firearms from the house. Wouldn't have resorted to that anyway, period, and it defused that issue entirely.

I did however, right or wrong, go directly to where the as****e was in order to throw him the nasty beating he so richly deserved. Fortunately for both of us he fled out a fire exit and literally ran away. Hindsight being clear no need to involve the taxpayers in my personal issues and it would have accomplished nothing positive for me. But it would have felt gooooood. So you might say I gave in to my primal instinct on that one - and so did he. In his case it was fight or flight and he chose flight. True the problem was with my spouse but to quote Jack Nicholson as the Joker "never rub another man's rhubarb"

Years later it all worked out very well for both me and my ex and we have moved on.
 
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