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pigfarmer

tall, thin, irritable
That is a great post and one I had to read a few times.

Yes effort is the key, manual labour for many years has taken a toll on my body and my lifestyle choices have done the same to my mind but I still have it to give. Your auntie maybe signalling echoes of virtue because of the internal struggle some have because of being white and privileged or it could be a genuine wanting to give a better life, Madonna springs to mind.

I think my drug use in my early life has taken something from me or it has given the impression of a lost time where others were making ground. I've always been a tradesman and they used to have a special entrance for those and still do in certain buildings where the wealthy work or live. I do have that chuckle to myself when I see the ones who try too hard to uphold an image that sticks out like a sore thumb. Bottom line for me now is that I know I am a good person and it was a struggle to become so and as with much in life I never felt it happen but here I am, staying out of trouble and thinking of the future, bit late but I got there and have become a better person than some who I looked up to, now I just look sideways at them.

Funny you mention the apocalypse as I too know I would be one who would be able to survive better than most, or at least when I see some of the kinds of folks I do, it feels that way.

My family and friends tell me I should be more self confidential and understand that I am no lesser a person than others but I can say with all honesty i have felt that way for some time, not when in a social environment but when working. Never used to be the case but has become so with age I think we all get that a bit.

So, if any kids are reading this heed my words and stay as clean as you can because it's an uphill battle to get somewhere near par.

Good man pigfarmer, you bolstered me some what with what you wrote and for that I am grateful.

I have eventually done the right thing by my family, even more so than other siblings and they recognise that which comes as a huge relief and means more to me than anything else.

I think my drug use in my early life has taken something from me or it has given the impression of a lost time where others were making ground.

Yes and no. Hindsight being clear I would have been better off avoiding all that but to put it in perspective things could've been worse. I can think of a few that paid a much, much higher price. Experimentation is one thing, true addiction is another.

I had a friend - emphasis on the had part - who is a professional, educated, speaks a couple of languages and has traveled all over the world. Interesting guy and we were friends over 20 years. But for those years he demonstrated a real propensity for arrogance, class, snobbery etc based upon what I've mentioned plus the collection of crap he's accumulated. He and his former wife were the nouveau riche of the area. I can't tell you how many petty comments I endured and mostly shrugged off because he had his good points too. But I was listening and filing those comments away and like grains of sand on a scale it eventually tipped.

He showed up here one day behaving strangely and for reasons that aren't really clear to anyone actually thought he was going to climb into bed and plow my wife and that we were OK with it. Really. He went on at such length that we were literally numb with shock and surprise. I disabused him of that right quick. I did so in a very low key way that held a mirror up to his behavior and let his eggshell fragile ego do the rest. Like some martial art with a small move that uses your opponent's weight and strength against them.

It's oxycontin and probably other things too. His marriage and life fell apart but it was more from that arrogant and tone deaf personality. You can cure drug addiction but not being a true a*****e to the core. Yet he would have been the first one to make you or I use the service entrance and probably throw a few mocking comments in for good measure. Like many his success is a facade and I am not impressed.

Again, this is why I look at the person first and whatever they are saying second. Uniforms, credentials, financial success and all that cover up the same stinking backside we all have. Nah, the only way other people wind up on a pedestal is if you put them there.

As for the abuse I inflicted on myself, well, the bill hasn't come due for me but probably will eventually. You gotta die from something. My physical complaints come from the mileage, not the years.
 

Standingstones

Celestial
Be careful of crap like this. Something similar happened to my father. He was placed in charge of the shop where he worked. Unfortunately there were three owners who were trying to squeeze every nickel of profit out of the business. My Dad was so stressed out he had a heart attack.

Those bastards even came to the hospital to ask my Dad when he was coming back to work. After he recovered he soon found a new job.
 

pigfarmer

tall, thin, irritable
Be careful of crap like this. Something similar happened to my father. He was placed in charge of the shop where he worked. Unfortunately there were three owners who were trying to squeeze every nickel of profit out of the business. My Dad was so stressed out he had a heart attack.

Those bastards even came to the hospital to ask my Dad when he was coming back to work. After he recovered he soon found a new job.

That's one of the BIG reasons I'm standing there with a doofy orange apron on.

In July 2017 a good friend I'd worked with for over 30 years dropped dead in his service truck. Massive heart attack. 56 years old. Same truck as me, they had to cut the same shirt off him as I wore. There but for the Grace of The Great Magnet go I.

In December 2018 another friend and coworker of over 30 years dropped dead suddenly in his home. He was a remote support engineer. Best in the country for what we did. He was 57.

Granted neither of them took proper care of themselves and had been warned repeatedly. I didn't have to leave the game, could've shifted positions a bit and stayed in a slightly different role. Have been offered other opportunities elsewhere too but they all require me to be a road warrior again with all the sleep deprivation, endless stress. That's what I mean by being picky - can't go back to that. It'll literally kill me.

You can get another job but not another life. Actually, I think maybe we can .... but that's another thread.
 

coubob

Celestial
So we got us a new washer today for cheap, my son in law works at lowes and was able to get us a $1300 maytag for $100.Washing Machines | Maytag it was brought back cause of some unknown reason they did a full system check and found nothing wrong and was going to put it back on the floor and he got it for us, works great. Our old one was 20+ years old the lid come off due to the hinges rusting off, plus it was kinda getting scary to run hoping it didnt fly apart on the spin cycle.
 

pepe

Celestial
Yes and no. Hindsight being clear I would have been better off avoiding all that but to put it in perspective things could've been worse. I can think of a few that paid a much, much higher price. Experimentation is one thing, true addiction is another.

I had a friend - emphasis on the had part - who is a professional, educated, speaks a couple of languages and has traveled all over the world. Interesting guy and we were friends over 20 years. But for those years he demonstrated a real propensity for arrogance, class, snobbery etc based upon what I've mentioned plus the collection of crap he's accumulated. He and his former wife were the nouveau riche of the area. I can't tell you how many petty comments I endured and mostly shrugged off because he had his good points too. But I was listening and filing those comments away and like grains of sand on a scale it eventually tipped.

He showed up here one day behaving strangely and for reasons that aren't really clear to anyone actually thought he was going to climb into bed and plow my wife and that we were OK with it. Really. He went on at such length that we were literally numb with shock and surprise. I disabused him of that right quick. I did so in a very low key way that held a mirror up to his behavior and let his eggshell fragile ego do the rest. Like some martial art with a small move that uses your opponent's weight and strength against them.

It's oxycontin and probably other things too. His marriage and life fell apart but it was more from that arrogant and tone deaf personality. You can cure drug addiction but not being a true a*****e to the core. Yet he would have been the first one to make you or I use the service entrance and probably throw a few mocking comments in for good measure. Like many his success is a facade and I am not impressed.

Again, this is why I look at the person first and whatever they are saying second. Uniforms, credentials, financial success and all that cover up the same stinking backside we all have. Nah, the only way other people wind up on a pedestal is if you put them there.

As for the abuse I inflicted on myself, well, the bill hasn't come due for me but probably will eventually. You gotta die from something. My physical complaints come from the mileage, not the years.

Ploughman hit an all time low and a good strategy, I think I would have done the same. That warrants violence to many but that doesn't help anything unless you get paid for it. Being in an altered state for a length of time is easier for the mild and mellow and the others become walking nightmares.

Strange thing for and this is unbelievable but when I dropped the amphetamines I walked it, fifteen years and all I got was a period of intense tiredness, a matter of days. I never told anyone I was packing it in, just did it and the same with the booze. Had to get away to do those two and took myself out of the social group and had to turn my back on them. That's when I got back in touch with family and the pressure of that really helped me.

Yeah I know we all crap the same and I sometimes wonder if it is a worse experience for those who are above it all, I mean it's degrading for me so it must be worse from a great height. Maybe not and if not then it's as you say, a brittle facade.

At times I feel my experience with living in an altered time does help me with reasoning, apparently I'm am very reasonable, probably comes from being in a bad place and becoming acclimatised to it has served as a reminder that i'm in a better one.

I always wonder what I would be like without that time and the answer is probably more like my brothers, decent but aggressive and forthright who fall in and out of frienships, I wouldn't want that but one never knows if that comes from treading the path.

Their kids think I'm cool and tell me everything, some of it shocks me and I wish I never knew but they know I'm sound enough to hold it.
 

nivek

As Above So Below
Some great stuff in this thread lately, I've been quietly reading throughout the week which has been exceptionally busy for me...

The extra workload I have temporarily won't be too taxing after about a week or two, I have more people answering to me now, competent people across three shifts that I can and will be delegating responsibilities to...

...
 

pepe

Celestial
Some great stuff in this thread lately, I've been quietly reading throughout the week which has been exceptionally busy for me...

The extra workload I have temporarily won't be too taxing after about a week or two, I have more people answering to me now, competent people across three shifts that I can and will be delegating responsibilities to...

...

Hope it all goes to plan nivek.

A chance for the delegates to make a mark and prove more worth.

What I'd give to be able to delegate, let alone have the luxury of competency.
 
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nivek

As Above So Below
the luxury of competence.

I use that word competent lightly in this case, that guy they recently removed was considered 'competent' at his work too, until he revealed a bit of what was in his closet...Human beings never cease to amaze me sometimes...In regards some posts earlier speaking about post-apocalyptic survival, I would be one of those surviving, and the day after you would find me deep in the Appalachian mountains unless the food or water ran out, or if I decided to venture out to see how the rest of the world was faring...I'm not the best at physical and direct self defense but I know how to avoid situations and how to stay off the radar...

...
 

pepe

Celestial
I use that word competent lightly in this case, that guy they recently removed was considered 'competent' at his work too, until he revealed a bit of what was in his closet...Human beings never cease to amaze me sometimes...In regards some posts earlier speaking about post-apocalyptic survival, I would be one of those surviving, and the day after you would find me deep in the Appalachian mountains unless the food or water ran out, or if I decided to venture out to see how the rest of the world was faring...I'm not the best at physical and direct self defense but I know how to avoid situations and how to stay off the radar...

...

We think we've seen it all and then we get an eyeful.

I have delegated before, just one at a time with second men on the lorries who got it all hot and set up the ropes and straight edges. I used to let them have a go early, not because I wanted a break but because no one gave me the chance early and I saw that as a mistake on two counts.
 

The shadow

The shadow knows!
my little one is well and truly spoiled!
She received gifts from her class. (all K4 students get gifts.)
we got her gifts. the twins got her gifts.
Ian and Chris tag teamed and got her a magnet building set.
quickly her favorite toy.
 

pepe

Celestial
So we got us a new washer today for cheap, my son in law works at lowes and was able to get us a $1300 maytag for $100.Washing Machines | Maytag it was brought back cause of some unknown reason they did a full system check and found nothing wrong and was going to put it back on the floor and he got it for us, works great. Our old one was 20+ years old the lid come off due to the hinges rusting off, plus it was kinda getting scary to run hoping it didnt fly apart on the spin cycle.

When i lived like a hobo, I used to do my washing in a galvanised Garrod bin, with a Dutch burner alight underneath and a golf club to stir it up. Bathed in a four man dinghy alfresco with hot water from the same bin. So soft and comfy and the air acted as a superb insulator, no other bath holds a light to it and one evening I was out there in a blizzard and loving it.
 

pepe

Celestial
I say hobo, I was in a portacabin where the rear section I had turned into a mixing studio and the front was a kitchen area.

Had electricity and served me well for a few years.

Gypsies were a problem though but they didn't see me as a gorger and gave me respect for that but they would drive in when the gate was open and I would go out to see them.

I think they thought I was a nutter.
 

coubob

Celestial
How can i put this, as a kid feb 13 was me and my dads day. He has been dead since 91 when he hung himself. but for some years now on the 13 of feb i hear his whistle,a very distinct whistle made by cupping ur 4 fingers with ur other ones with ur thumbs together and blowing through an opening below the thumb knuckle you can change the pitch by lifting ur fingers that are top of the others,if that makes any freakin sence at all. he used to call me in at night or at other times useing that whistle that one could hear for a long ways, it was the same whistle i heard this 13th and for some years now on the same day. This year i was walking from my car into work when i heard it. i stopped looked around and seen this man in dark pants, jacket and wearing a indiana jones type hat, i could not see any features even though it was sunny and about 1: pm, he was standing in the cemetery across the street looking right at me. there was lots of cars and people around so i kinda blew it off thinking it was something else surely, while finishing my cig before i went in i kept watching him as he walked away around the streets further into the cemetery and he kept stopping looking back at me. and finally went around a building so i went into work feeling at peace,calm,refreashed kinda, strange experience dont know really what to think. except i miss him so..
 

coubob

Celestial
When i lived like a hobo, I used to do my washing in a galvanised Garrod bin, with a Dutch burner alight underneath and a golf club to stir it up. Bathed in a four man dinghy alfresco with hot water from the same bin. So soft and comfy and the air acted as a superb insulator, no other bath holds a light to it and one evening I was out there in a blizzard and loving it.
Sounds like some of the stories of my moms side parents, they had 10 kids and grown up with dirt floors, out house, cast iron cook stove also used for heat. going to school at an all indian school in southern oklahoma. And i remember staying the summers with differnt aunts and uncles still living it rough, but looking back those are the best memories.even getting attacked by a gander of geese not funny at the time but now it is.
 

nivek

As Above So Below
Have you ever seen crookneck watermelon?...It's an ancient variety the Navajo and other tribes used to bred and grow with a crooked neck for easy carrying, they say it's very delicious and sweet...I have 30 seeds of this variety coming in the mail that I'm going to grow this season...Thanks to @spacecase0 for showing me this variety, I never knew about it and it's history...I ordered a pack of seeds from a rare seeds website yesterday...

Art Combe's Amazing Ancient Watermelon

Combe-Kirk-_-Art-Handled-Watermelon-Grandson-salt-lake-city-DSC03587.jpg
 

pigfarmer

tall, thin, irritable
How can i put this, as a kid feb 13 was me and my dads day. He has been dead since 91 when he hung himself. but for some years now on the 13 of feb i hear his whistle,a very distinct whistle made by cupping ur 4 fingers with ur other ones with ur thumbs together and blowing through an opening below the thumb knuckle you can change the pitch by lifting ur fingers that are top of the others,if that makes any freakin sence at all. he used to call me in at night or at other times useing that whistle that one could hear for a long ways, it was the same whistle i heard this 13th and for some years now on the same day. This year i was walking from my car into work when i heard it. i stopped looked around and seen this man in dark pants, jacket and wearing a indiana jones type hat, i could not see any features even though it was sunny and about 1: pm, he was standing in the cemetery across the street looking right at me. there was lots of cars and people around so i kinda blew it off thinking it was something else surely, while finishing my cig before i went in i kept watching him as he walked away around the streets further into the cemetery and he kept stopping looking back at me. and finally went around a building so i went into work feeling at peace,calm,refreashed kinda, strange experience dont know really what to think. except i miss him so..

Jesus, this is one of those things that a little button isn't fit for as a response. Very sorry to hear that.
 

The shadow

The shadow knows!
the skis snowboards and sleds are all packed up for a fun adventure! our in laws are joining us in the snow fun.
 
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