Bad Day,

[Shadowprophet]

I won't be making another post today, There are a lot of bad days lately, This one wasn't even my fault. My grandfather recently passed away, So My third cousin and her boyfriend were trying to move in on my grandmother. Under the guise that they are there to take care of her. My father who saw it for what it was, Two 18-year-olds looking to mooch off someone just wanted to take up residence at my grandmother's place.
SO my dad goes down there and runs them off. The young boy who is like 18, Trys to get physical with my dad.

I have lines, Even if I didn't agree with my father, At that point, The 18-year-old needed to understand his bones break.. Sorry, I'm only human. I'll protect my dad even if he's wrong. SO my grandmother gets upset at my father and tells him to leave, So dad is beside himself, Just trying to protect an old woman that's lost her mind since grandpa died. I end up having to actually carry my Dad out of there because he refused to leave.

Honestly, I'm geared and primed to back my father through anything, But the whole situation could have been different if Dad would have just Let My grandma do what she wanted to do.


People would think, Why would you post something like this here? I don't have anybody to talk to about any of this. I just have to accept it and process it.


It's not my Day, And things will get better, But Today, I'm just going to watch movies, And Remember what it used to be like when My family was a real family.

 

[Shadowprophet]

I know, And I understand if no one says anything, What can really be said, It's fucked up.


The part that bothers me most about all of this is, It all had this strong feeling like the whole issue was about my grandma's will, and the house and the land. To me, This makes me sick, I don't think a lot about inheritance and what will go to who when someone passes away. No amount of things or money will bring back the person who was lost, And when people are at the point of wanting to fight over inheritance before the person even has passed. It all makes me sick.


Sick.

 

[Ritzy]

Im sorry to hear that. I hope things get better.

 

[Shadowprophet]

Im sorry to hear that. I hope things get better.

Thank you so much, I've lived for 41 years, People often underestimate how much a few kinds words can mean to someone, Thank you

 

[Ritzy]

 

[pigfarmer]

You can pick your nose but not your relatives. Easy there.

 

[Sheltie]

Family dynamics can change dramatically when someone dies. My father died about 2 years ago and I'm seeing this firsthand.

When I was growing up I was always closer to my sister, who is 4 yrs older than me. After we grew up and left home I grew a little closer to by brother, who is 6 yrs older than me.

My brother was executor of my dad's estate. He's really OCD and meticulously organized while my sister and I are more of the organized chaos types of people. Long story short, my brother has really, really plucked my last nerve. He calls and rambles on over the phone for like 3 hrs! I stopped answering when I see his number on the caller ID and now he's really pissed because he gets offended if he gets my VM. He refuses to use e-mail because he says its not secure enough and important info regarding our dad's estate can be hacked.

I think he's borderline Asperger's because he doesn't understand people or how to read emotions. He doesn't understand how to have a conversation. Talking to him is a painful interrogation. I haven't talked to him in over a year and, frankly, I'm OK with that. He's not on any social network sites because he has no friends.

My sister and I are convinced he's lonely and just wants someone to talk to but I don't have the patience for him anymore.

My roommate, who is also my significant other, thinks I'm exaggerating and being unreasonable. I respect her opinion because she also comes from a highly dysfunctional family (even worse than mine) but I get tired of hearing her press me on family issues.

 

[Shadowprophet]

Family dynamics can change dramatically when someone dies. My father died about 2 years ago and I'm seeing this firsthand.

When I was growing up I was always closer to my sister, who is 4 yrs older than me. After we grew up and left home I grew a little closer to by brother, who is 6 yrs older than me.

My brother was executor of my dad's estate. He's really OCD and meticulously organized while my sister and I are more of the organized chaos types of people. Long story short, my brother has really, really plucked my last nerve. He calls and rambles on over the phone for like 3 hrs! I stopped answering when I see his number on the caller ID and now he's really pissed because he gets offended if he gets my VM. He refuses to use e-mail because he says its not secure enough and important info regarding our dad's estate can be hacked.

I think he's borderline Asperger's because he doesn't understand people or how to read emotions. He doesn't understand how to have a conversation. Talking to him is a painful interrogation. I haven't talked to him in over a year and, frankly, I'm OK with that. He's not on any social network sites because he has no friends.

My sister and I are convinced he's lonely and just wants someone to talk to but I don't have the patience for him anymore.

My roommate, who is also my significant other, thinks I'm exaggerating and being unreasonable. I respect her opinion because she also comes from a highly dysfunctional family (even worse than mine) but I get tired of hearing her press me on family issues.

I fully understand where you are coming from, I have two family members who their whole lives have been really depressive downer type people, When I was younger, I was always there for them, Trying my best to make them feel better. It was always, This person broke up with me so I'm thinking of harming myself kind of stuff with them. I tried my best for years, But after so many years, There is only so much Dark depressive baggage someone can take, The moment it all come tumbling down for me was when I lost my daughters and my cousin tried to console me by saying his Gf broke up with him. Since then. I've let them sort out their own issues. Sometimes people are all about attention and even in selfish ways.

I think that's why I'm basically a hermit.

 

[Sheltie]

There is actually a term for people like that -- emotional vampires. They can suck the optimism and serenity right out of you. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about emotional vampires. They can drain all of your physical energy and drag you down with them.

 

[nivek]

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about emotional vampires.

Sure there is, even on the main stream level there is material that offer assistance in dealing with those types...

These from a quick google search...

Emotional Vampires: How To Handle Negative People Who Drain The Life From You

4 Strategies to Survive Emotional Vampires - Judith Orloff MD

How to Stop 5 Types of Emotional Vampires from Destroying Your Career

There are other more spiritual ways of dealing with people of that sort too...

...

 

[Shadowprophet]

Sure there is, even on the main stream level there is material that offer assistance in dealing with those types...

These from a quick google search...

Emotional Vampires: How To Handle Negative People Who Drain The Life From You

4 Strategies to Survive Emotional Vampires - Judith Orloff MD

How to Stop 5 Types of Emotional Vampires from Destroying Your Career

There are other more spiritual ways of dealing with people of that sort too...

...

How does one properly talk to someone about spirit, I know you have it, But, It's not right to ask, I seek to know your thoughts on spirituality. Hopefully, someday you will start a thread or something about it.

 

[Double Nought Spy]

Ugh. Family crap can be some of the worst crap to deal with. I have a cousin I'd still like to kick the shit out of because of something he said to my mother over 25 years ago. I found out about it after he had gone home. I hope I never see the little weasel again, because I'll probably hurt him if I do. He lives several states away, and his whacked out branch of the family no longer has anything to do with any of us. Good riddance.

I live several hundred miles from my nearest relative, and sometimes I wonder if that's far enough. We all get along fine, but there's always some drama going on somewhere.

When my grandmother passed away years ago, my mother's family had a bit of a different thing going on with her house and belongings. Nobody took anything. The bills got paid and the house sat empty for a year or more, with all my grandparents' stuff in it. Finally my sister bought the place, and she had trouble getting her aunts and uncles to come get the stuff that was left to them. Finally she rounded up a truck and some friends, and started delivering it! It was exactly the opposite of people fighting over who got what. Mostly I think nobody wanted to deal with it. They had all grown up in that house, and there was no real motivation for them to change anything.

 

[Shadowprophet]

Ugh. Family crap can be some of the worst crap to deal with. I have a cousin I'd still like to kick the shit out of because of something he said to my mother over 25 years ago. I found out about it after he had gone home. I hope I never see the little weasel again, because I'll probably hurt him if I do. He lives several states away, and his whacked out branch of the family no longer has anything to do with any of us. Good riddance.

I live several hundred miles from my nearest relative, and sometimes I wonder if that's far enough. We all get along fine, but there's always some drama going on somewhere.

When my grandmother passed away years ago, my mother's family had a bit of a different thing going on with her house and belongings. Nobody took anything. The bills got paid and the house sat empty for a year or more, with all my grandparents' stuff in it. Finally my sister bought the place, and she had trouble getting her aunts and uncles to come get the stuff that was left to them. Finally she rounded up a truck and some friends, and started delivering it! It was exactly the opposite of people fighting over who got what. Mostly I think nobody wanted to deal with it. They had all grown up in that house, and there was no real motivation for them to change anything.

It's one of those strange situations, as I think back on it, All I can focus on was how My grandmother was crying, She's such a strong woman, I've never seen her cry. There is the feeling Like I need to escape, It's hard to explain, I'm trying not to let it phase me, And I'm hoping things will get better, But yeah, I wish my family could handle the situation about my grandmas will in that way, I don't think it's right that my dad and my uncles are fighting over things that belong to my grandma and she's still alive to call the shots about what happens with her belongings.

I don't know, I feel like a weak person that this whole situation has bothered me so much. None of it makes sense to me. It's like the family structure I've fully believed in my whole life is insignificant compared to my dad and uncle wanting to protect some sort of investment they have made into my grandmothers will or something.

The whole thing has upset me to a point my chest is hurting. I'm still trying to process it all and get back to reality.


I honestly don't understand it, I don't, how can, What someone owns, Be worth so much to a person, That they are willing to disown one another over things like that? It makes no sense to me, The person is what can't be replaced, Not the things or money.

It's made me sick on more than one level. It really sucks brother.

 

[Double Nought Spy]

Sounds like there might be some old issues in play. Stuff that started long before your time. That's really pretty common. Stressful situations within those relationships cause old hurts to bubble to the surface, whether the participants want to acknowledge it or not. I do best with that stuff when I don't try to figure out what they are all thinking. That can make you crazy. You'll never make sense of it. Things with my family got a lot better for me many years ago when I realized that they were all adults, weren't likely to change, and would continue to be how they were. It's like the weather; you just have to take it as it comes and deal with it as best you can. Storms pass, the old resentments and rivalries sink back below the surface.

 

[Sheltie]

Sounds like there might be some old issues in play. Stuff that started long before your time. That's really pretty common. Stressful situations within those relationships cause old hurts to bubble to the surface, whether the participants want to acknowledge it or not. I do best with that stuff when I don't try to figure out what they are all thinking. That can make you crazy. You'll never make sense of it. Things with my family got a lot better for me many years ago when I realized that they were all adults, weren't likely to change, and would continue to be how they were. It's like the weather; you just have to take it as it comes and deal with it as best you can. Storms pass, the old resentments and rivalries sink back below the surface.

I had the same epiphany some years ago.

 

[Sheltie]

Sure there is, even on the main stream level there is material that offer assistance in dealing with those types...

These from a quick google search...

Emotional Vampires: How To Handle Negative People Who Drain The Life From You

4 Strategies to Survive Emotional Vampires - Judith Orloff MD

How to Stop 5 Types of Emotional Vampires from Destroying Your Career

There are other more spiritual ways of dealing with people of that sort too...

...

Thanks, maybe I'm just too keen on the idea of driving a stake through their chest!