Insomnia.

Discussion in 'Around the Campfire' started by Shadowprophet, Aug 3, 2021.

  1. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    I'm not good at reintroductions, there Are a lot of newer people here so, my name is Shadowprophet. I live my life held to the belief that each Of us only gets one shot at this thing called life, So make the best of it. I believe that the true center of the cosmos is unknown to us, therefore to find the true center of all things we must look within ourselves. To each person the center of your universe is you. You experience it as all of its challenges and Obstacles gravitate around your own perceptions, therefore you are the very center of the universe. So when someone asks me if I think the universe revolves around me... My reasoning is pretty sketchy,, but yeah..

    My life has changed in several unpredictable ways rapidly since the beginning of 2021. I've gotten divorced and remarried and no, there is no complicated emotional backstory to the whole ordeal. I got tired of the woman I was married to, so I found a better one and I married her.. Some people may find that appalling. I'm trying really hard to pretend it bothers me,. People divorce and remarry all the time, that's life, I may even do it again some day... Adjusting to my new life has been a little more difficult than I predicted though,. This new one,. She demands a lot of attention, so much that I rarely have any time to enjoy any of the activities I once did. It's enough to drive someone up the wall. "Imagine Peggy Bundy from married with children". So I've developed insomnia because it's literally the only way I'm going to get even ten minutes of "me time". When she is asleep... I don't know if I need to find a way to adjust, or find a way out... Tbh.. because in my last relationship, I missed what it felt like for someone to love me for the sake of being myself. In this relationship, I never get to be myself.. So I miss me.. I miss me very much....




    Sp.
     
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  2. Sheltie

    Sheltie good to the last drop

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    Welcome back, Shadowprophet! All I can tell you is that in any relationship you have to have some time to yourself to do the things you enjoy. We all need a certain amount of space.
     
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  3. Sheltie

    Sheltie good to the last drop

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    As an introvert, I need time alone to recharge. Extroverts, on the other hand, tend get energy from being around other people.
     
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  4. pigfarmer

    pigfarmer tall, thin, irritable

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    Welcome back SP. Jesus, you're a glutton for punishment :)
     
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  5. Toroid

    Toroid Founding Member

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    Welcome back SP. You should tell her that you need time for yourself. :Thumbsup:
     
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  6. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    Indeed, I've learned over time that telling people the things they want to hear for sake of smooth transition only serves to a smooth transition, yet, it would leave true communication to the wayside and I would never find that one person who can tell me what I really need to know. And ultimately that would be, that its all going to be okay. But no one knows that. There's a sense of stability that I used to have about my life and that's just gone now. There are even things about my current situation that I can't discuss on a message board such as this. What I really need is someone in my corner, telling me that no, her snobby judgemental elitist family doesn't have the market cornered on human decency. They are all so elitist and spoiled, it makes me literally sick to the point that I could wretch... I dont fit in With these people, and I dont want too, these people have never seen what its like on the other side, they dont know what its like to have to work a really difficult labor job or worry about bills. And no matter how intelligent I am I wasn't born with a pre paid scholarship to yale, I had to, oh my gosh, get my hands dirty working.. Her family, makes my soul hurt..
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2021
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  7. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    I've tried to do that very thing, she gets angry and crys, she tells me, I married her, I should want to spend most of my time around her. Its not that she really feels that way, I've learned, she is a spoiled princess, " psychological term" it stems from her wanting to control me. I think she gets off on control, she knows for a fact that I need my me time, she just won't let me have it.
     
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  8. Toroid

    Toroid Founding Member

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    Would therapy be helpful?
     
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  9. pigfarmer

    pigfarmer tall, thin, irritable

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    maybe a puppy?
     
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  10. HAL9000

    HAL9000 Honorable

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    You need to sort it out some way or other.

    If not it will only get worst. Take my word for that.

    I had (probably still have ) the same problem in reverse. My ex wife's family considered me 'highbrow' (I'm not) and I never fit. That is why she is my ex.
     
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  11. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    I honestly think in the short run, yes, Therapy does and would help, but in the long run it would only help in the context that someone was there listening, pretending to care, psychology as a whole is more of a nuanced art than a science or form of medication. I took psychology for year's in college, one of the most important lessons about psychology that I ever learned was, psychology is burdened with outdated stereotyping, " this person feels this way so this method will provoke this reaction" but in practice , psychology only works fundamentally, to the extent that something like hypnosis would. An example would be, person A has unresolved issues, then you as the psychologist tell person a, oh". There is a method to process this issue, First is denial, then comes the bargaining phase, then anger, then the depression and finally acceptance, and yes, those phases all exist in the natural way we humans process grief, but, the critical red line to the whole process is, the patient is put on a clock and urged to heal at the therapists whim. It's little more than an aggressive mental exercise and most usually, psychology just doesn't work on highly intelligent people because most of is here are already experts at processing and organizing out thoughts and feelings, Some of the discussions we have in these message boards bare way more fruit than anything we could pay a stranger to hypnotize into us.. Take it from someone who was training to go into the field, psychology does work for some people, just like hypnosis would work for some people, but it's in practice, a faith based solution that more often than not simply doesn't work for almost anyone, consider this my brother, how many of the myriads of therapy we have all heard about were truly beneficial to the patient when it all came foll circle? Less than 25 % ill bet?

    I am a dog person, a puppy is always the answer, even when there wasn't a question.

    [/QUOTE]. Oh I know it will get worse, I've been in these situations before, even with these same people, it's been my experience that relationships, pretty much all of them weather it be with a significant other or their family or even just friends, all seem to have a cycle, a life cycle if you will, they can be nurtured and grown and nuanced, but eventually they will reach an apex, a conclusion, no matter what choices we make. We can try to hold out or even hold on, but eventually the ride will come to and end. I think that's the true essence of humanity really, how did we arrive where we are and how we handle the constant change, that's the truest form of humanity really, it's what makes us who we are, "how we handle life challenges". Because weather we want them to come or not, they will always be part of the ride
     
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  12. pigfarmer

    pigfarmer tall, thin, irritable

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    You've been married and divorced a couple times just since I came here three years ago, at least it seems that way. Why bother at all? Live together. Hell, I know people who have done so for over thirty years without marrying. Another couple I know in a similar situation only did it for insurance reasons and retirement planning.

    Of course I wasn't really serious about a puppy but maybe a different venue to channel whatever it is you think you want from marriage wouldn't be a bad idea before you have some kind of problem not so easily recovered from. Live alone and don't even date a couple years, get your own ducks in a row. Doesn't sound like they are. Other people can't fill in any real voids in your life
     
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  13. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    I think it's a trust issue kind of thing, I truly do believe in the idea of marriage, and love, and at the bottom of my soul I know I want a family and to be part of a family, but im in conflict with myself. I'm not able to trust people, and as sexist as it sounds, especially women. I've been through to much, seen too much to really believe that "love" can make a woman faithful. Sure the idea of a faithful woman, that's a pretty idea. But its been my experience that if a woman has the opportunity to cheat, if the curtain of truth is pulled back... I'm not trying to destroy anyone's preconceptions about love and marriage. I'm just a cynical old man here. I have lost faith in ideas like "loyalty" and "purity" and if you look at society and it's ever decaying downward spiral, there is really no reason a person should believe people are capable of virtues like that in marriage, because of this, it's difficult to really hop on the happy train to blissville.. It's not a simple black and white choice though, I wouldn't be happy alone, but I can't be happy with someone either because of trust issues.. I'm truly a mess brother.
     
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  14. pigfarmer

    pigfarmer tall, thin, irritable

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    My first wife cheated on me. I was 35 when it ended and she was 30. Young. Took years for me to be able to see what a bad fit we were for each other but at the time and as a younger man I was being driven by other things - like family, being alone - and was blinded to the reality of it. Too wrapped up in my own BS and actually in love and that was a recipe for nothing good. There is a lot more to marriage than simply love. As for her cheating, hindsight was very revealing. It was a pattern that was right there in front of me that I also failed to see.

    A few years alone to scour away the bad ideas I had helped but weren't easy, plus a couple of relationships that were equally bad fits and I was finally able to appreciate the fantastic opportunity that eventually came my way. But I never would have seen it if I didn't get my head out of my ass.
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2021
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  15. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    That sounds familiar, I think I've lived that life, the truth to my end is, there are voids, nothing will ever fill them, all I can do is survive till that's no longer an option, try to make the best of my available options. We spend our lives loving and losing friends and family and somehow we are expected to love yet more.. What happens when you've ran out of gas and have no more to give?
     
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  16. pigfarmer

    pigfarmer tall, thin, irritable

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    You do.

    There is a definition of insanity that never sat quite right with me but is apt - it's doing the same thing over and over and over expecting a different result. Stop doing that and you can probably find what you need you just have to change the way you are looking for it. Worked for me very nicely so this isn't some idle notion.
     
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  17. Sheltie

    Sheltie good to the last drop

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    It sounds to me like there is nothing wrong with her psychologically. She's not confused or distraught, she's being manipulative. From what you've said of her and her family, SP, I get the impression she has this skill down to a fine art.
     
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  18. Sheltie

    Sheltie good to the last drop

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    The funny thing about psychology is that it does not actually heal anyone. The patient has to solve their own problems. Psych just helps them focus and realize what they need to work on and fix. It can't help anyone unless they really want to help them self.

    I was in a relationship somewhat similar to yours about 10 years ago, SP. It was further complicated by the fact that she had a serious drinking problem. I was actually glad when it ended and she finally moved out of my house. Of course her subsequent marriage ended after only about 3 years and now she is single with 2 young kids.
     
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  19. HAL9000

    HAL9000 Honorable

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    Pigfarmer has it about right.

    Get out and stay out for some time.

    To be honest, I can't really see why you got married if you don't trust women.

    So get your ducks in a row and your bucks in the bank.

    Best of luck with this problem.
     
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