That monster Depression.

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
I spend a lot of time convincing myself and others that I'm not depressed, Truthfully. I'm so depressed.
What bothers me most about it is, I'm depressed for no reason. It's not like I can pinpoint why. And I never talk about it because I know depression is something a lot of people have. Maybe worse than me. Maybe not as bad. But it's something so many people have.

The worst part of it for me by far are those times when It just floods to me, All the bad times. all the things people have done to me and said to me, Over the years really. It makes a person feel insignificant. Or sometimes worse than insignificant. it makes a person feel like others may even hate me or bare some grudge against me. It's a feeling, that I'm not always fighting with. it comes and goes. But I do understand that the way I view things when I feel this way isn't the truth. It's a dark feeling like complete worthlessness. The reason I never talk about it is, So many people do feel this way. I know I'm not alone, Another reason I never speak about it is why should I drag other people down with me just because I feel down.

I'm a fighter, I always have been, No matter how dark it gets I will fight. No matter what, I'll keep walking, Step after step even if there is no light.

This is not sadness. It's something different. It's like, waking up from sleep and just experiencing all the bad I've pushed away at once.

It really sucks a lot of ass honestly. I don't know how other people deal with this kind of thing. But for me, the worse it gets. The more I fight. I honestly think that's why I'm bipolar.

instead of sadness. It's anger. I don't know why I or other people experience these kinds of feelings. But I think it could be a brain chemical thing. I mean. There is literally no physical reason I should feel this way.

And people don't need to worry about me, This is not a cry for help. This is something that comes and goes. It just sucks is all.

Fuck Depression. It sucks and it exists for no reason. It's a monster that literally exists for no reason and I have no idea why it's even there.

S Fucking P.
 

CasualBystander

Celestial
Get your ass up and go running.

Join toastmasters or other social groups so you are dragged out of the house.

Score some meth. Hard to be depressed on meth. It is sort of like shooting yourself foot to distract from a paper cut, but it does change the situational dynamics.

To do a really good depression you have to isolate yourself. Stop the isolation and depression has a hard time keeping its hooks in you.

Volunteer with a group that helps people.

Find religion.

Depression is self-inflicted. You are better than that. Don't do that to yourself.


You strike me as a decent guy who is choosing to filter out the good and only remember the bad. Don't do that.

New day buddy - go out and make things better.
 
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nivek

As Above So Below
Stop smoking so much weed...
 

Caeldeth

Noble
Everything passes with time. I went into a very deep and dark depression due to PSTD a few years back then my ex wife left me, took my house and everything with it. I thought it was the end of everything but it ended up just being a new beginning. And you want to know something about other people? Fuck em'. Don't let people bring you down and make you feel insignificant. Have some self worth and realize that you are who you are and it doesn't really matter what people think. Also, drop the weed for a few days or weeks. Weed tends to make you think prompting panic attacks which leads to greater depression. Try picking up a hobby, go hiking to clear you mind. Get a dog. Shit go to a bar get drunk and take a random home with you. Most of all, keep your chin up buddy. Don't let that demon take to strong of a hold on you or you will never get out.

You have any stupid thoughts about suicide, or you want to talk to me more about anything I am just a PM away.
 
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Shadowprophet

Truthiness
I won't lie. For a long time now, I've really cut back how much weed I smoke. But it is part of my life. I would say. as compared to a few years ago, In which I would smoke amounts that would embarrass me to admit. I smoke about five joints a week at most. That's so much less than what I once smoked one may as well say I've quit.

Without the weed, I lose touch with reality. It's hard to explain, But I get really nervous, like anxiety attacks.
Still. If I could go without it. I know I'd be better off. I know it is a depressant. But you know. How many of us have a perfect life? I don't drink. I don't take pills, I don't do anything really. Other then Cigeretts and some weed now and then.

Still, I won't lie. Maybe the pot is keeping me down.
 

SOUL-DRIFTER

Life Long Researcher
The pot is.
What you feel when you go without are symptoms of withdrawal.
I never so much as even tried it ever. My school friends years back tried to get me to, but I refused.
If you cut back a lot then you are making good progress.
The closer you get to quitting the harder it can be to get to that finish line.
Perhaps widen the time between smokes, more and more over time.
 

SOUL-DRIFTER

Life Long Researcher
I know what depression feels like. I been there many years ago.
If it comes seemingly for no reason then it most probably is caused by a brain chemical imbalance or the like.
There is medication that can make a world of a difference.
I took over the counter St. Johns Wort but there are others.
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
I know what depression feels like. I been there many years ago.
If it comes seemingly for no reason then it most probably is caused by a brain chemical imbalance or the like.
There is medication that can make a world of a difference.
I took over the counter St. Johns Wort but there are others.
I'm afraid of the medicines for depression, The doctors have tried to put me on that stuff. It just doesn't feel right when I'm on them. But. There has to be a balance, There has to come a time, When I admit, It's so bad. Maybe the medicine is an option.
 

CasualBystander

Celestial
I'm afraid of the medicines for depression, The doctors have tried to put me on that stuff. It just doesn't feel right when I'm on them. But. There has to be a balance, There has to come a time, When I admit, It's so bad. Maybe the medicine is an option.

Are you an introvert? Are you in an urban area?
 

SOUL-DRIFTER

Life Long Researcher
I'm afraid of the medicines for depression, The doctors have tried to put me on that stuff. It just doesn't feel right when I'm on them. But. There has to be a balance, There has to come a time, When I admit, It's so bad. Maybe the medicine is an option.
Give St. Johns Wort a try. You can find it at Walmart other stores.
May also be you are experiencing a compound problem of chemical issues in the brain and a nutritional imbalance. The latter could cause the other and be perhaps is why you do not feel right when on medication.
 

Kchoo

At Peace.
Naturally, until you quit using drugs, completely, you never feel right...

Things like St. johns Wort may amplify withdrawl symptims...

Pot is a dumb idea for sure, for anyone with depression tendencies, it stimulates the system symilar to love chemicals, so it makes you actually fall love with it.

Then when you try quit you feel a huge loss, because your love is gone, and then you are double depressed..

Sad.
 

Kchoo

At Peace.
Do NOT do meth. Good God!

Meth is death.

It creates a dependency, because it only takes one hit and then without it, you feel depressed... And you want to avoid anything like that...

Get clean. That is the only way... Drink tea... Earl grey, hot. Thats all the crutch you get!
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
Yeah, this is a pretty standard situation.

Have you been reducing the amount of social interaction in the last couple of years?
Yeah. I'm almost a complete shunt in. I isolate myself from people, I do this because I don't trust anyone really.
 

Shadowprophet

Truthiness
Do NOT do meth. Good God!

Meth is death.

It creates a dependency, because it only takes one hit and then without it, you feel depressed... And you want to avoid anything like that...

Get clean. That is the only way... Drink tea... Earl grey, hot. Thats all the crutch you get!
I'd never do meth. I won't drink. Weed and cigarettes is as far as I will ever go, I've seen meth destroy people. It's possibly the worst drug ever made bro.
 

Kchoo

At Peace.
Do yourself a favor and get away from weed too...

I am amazed what people do to themselves...

Pot may have some good qualities for cancer patients etc, but all that should be monitored by a proper doctor who knows what warning signs to monitor...

Self medicating is dangerous anyway you look at it, and pot is highly addictive... And like all lost loves, I am told by friends who have quit, the heart never forgets and always feels a tug... Devil's love, fools gold, yuck!,
 

CasualBystander

Celestial
Yeah. I'm almost a complete shunt in. I isolate myself from people, I do this because I don't trust anyone really.

Again you are falling into a fairly standard situation.

There are over 1 million Japanese just like you.

You are a Hikikomori.

Hikikomori - Wikipedia

There is about only one solution for someone who self-confines to his only home.

You need to get your ass out of the house.

Pick a project or justification that forces you to leave home at least once a day.

Logic dictates that if you are outside your house you can't be trapped within it.
 

Ras

Honorable
Again you are falling into a fairly standard situation.

There are over 1 million Japanese just like you.

You are a Hikikomori.

Hikikomori - Wikipedia

There is about only one solution for someone who self-confines to his only home.

You need to get your ass out of the house.

Pick a project or justification that forces you to leave home at least once a day.

Logic dictates that if you are outside your house you can't be trapped within it.

Nah, Hikikomori is not a normal thing. The Japs does it to save their honour. They still parctice this honour, shame and duty thing.
 
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