I can't prove to myself that I'm not crazy. I've shared many parts of my life, From the health issues, To the mistakes I've made, to the people I've lost to the regrets I have. All of those stories are the whole of my life. At this point in my life, I've lost so much. My health is getting worse. Has anyone here ever had a fear that time is not a promised thing and then the panic sets in? Maybe I really have gone insane. But for me, There is this feeling, that Nothing is promised, and somehow, time is short and fleeting, But our Choices and actions matter, Becuase they affect not only ourselves but others as well. So then, When we act, It's not a self-contained action, Those actions take their toll on others. So every action that we take, isn't just our own action. Other people play their part in the machinations of most decisions that we make. Free will may even be an illusion Because you can't fully back away from your footprint on other peoples lives and truly be alone. I feel like however, I spend my time I need to make every second of it count. Maybe it's a midlife or late-life crisis. Either way, I'm really not myself right now, And I look around and I can't even find the ground. Nothing is solid, Nothing is promised, everything has meaning but there is no solution to anything. I can't be myself right now. Because I'm not myself. So I run away into the Dark and I don't talk to people. Even that doesn't work. There are no answers, Just an endless sea of opinions.