True stories

ChrisIB

Honorable
Rugby star shot six times with Taser

A professional rugby player, Tasered six times after driving at 150mph in a police chase, has been jailed.

Moore elbowed an officer and "violently resisted arrest in a struggle lasting 50 minutes" during which he was Tasered six times but "kept rising to his feet to fight and charge at officers".

At one point, the former St Helens, Widnes and Wakefield hooker grabbed the Taser's wires after being stunned and removed them from his body.

He then grabbed the Taser in a "tug of war" with the officer, shouting: "You're getting it now!" while pointing it at the officer's face, police said.
 

Non smoking gun

Honorable
Actual entries in Government Hospital Register
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1. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only 11kgs weight gain in the past three days.
5 She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year..
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. The patient refused an autopsy.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
 

Non smoking gun

Honorable
Zimbabwe's Ex-President Convicted of Sodomy (Published 1998)
The Rev. Banana, the former President of Zimbabwe, was found guilty of sodomy today by a court in Harare and faces up to 22 years in jail....

He was convicted of 11 counts of sodomy, attempted sodomy and indecent assault, all stemming from incidents with young bodyguards, gardeners and cooks assigned to him when he was President, from 1980 to 1987. The charges grew out of the 1995 murder trial of a police inspector, Jefta Dube, who killed a colleague. Mr. Dube said the man had taunted him, calling him ''Banana's wife.''

During a 17-day trial in June, several witnesses, including Mr. Dube, described seduction scenes the former President had enacted with them. They said he had invited them into his library in the executive mansion to play cards, gave them drinks, put music on and insisted on teaching them to dance. As they danced, he groped and propositioned them, they said.

One said he had jumped out a window, another pushed the President into the swimming pool and fled, a third shouted so loud that the First Lady came in. Mr. Dube testified that his drink was drugged, and he woke up to find his pants around his ankles. He testified that he became the President's sex slave from 1984 to 1986.
 

1963

Noble
This is a true story about my all-time hero that I hadn't heard about before.

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Note that Elvis was not the driver, and not even present at the time of accident! [but was known to be a wealthy individual. And I suppose $4.5m todays equivalent seemed reasonable to the plaintive;) ]

.... I tried to find the conclusion to this lawsuit and this is all that I came up with....

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.... Being a lifelong fan of the King, I feel that I have a little knowledge [through the literature] of the make-up of the man, and would tentatively posit a theory that out of his unbounded generosity ... the great man privately 'tipped-up' to the unfortunate widow! ... Well, either that or the suit was dismissed by the DA or whomever rules these things.

Cheers.
 

pigfarmer

tall, thin, irritable
Sounds like he was on PCP or maybe too many enhancement drugs that sports players use.

Or he might just be one tough s.o.b. amped up on regular old rage and stupidity. You don't even have to go to the store for those.

I can't speak from personal experience but tasers aren't universally effective. Or firearms. Grand pianos dropped from a great height - now yes ! I'd say they do it every time but are a tricky bit to arrange
 
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