Okay, I need to express these things, The worry and stress this is causing me is affecting my life greatly.
I got into a terrible argument with my mother yesterday, My mother got upset at me and told me, You always have to be number 1 in every situation the world doesn't revolve around you. To that I told her, No Mom, I've never been Number one to you, ever in my whole life, I don't care what my place in your heart is because it doesn't matter.
To that, she broke down crying. This, Is something I would normally have never done. I feel horrible. Like I feel like less than Dirt. But, It gets worse.
I have a new Dog, She is a baby Great Dane, I love her, Here is how I met her, I was In my back yard tending to Gitchie Marees Grave, My Baby puppy I lost last August. I was so busy I didn't notice this Little barely able to walk Great Dane came up to me. I looked around and No one was there looking for her, I took her in and fed her, She was literally about to die from starvation.
I've had her for weeks now, She has fully recovered and is energetic beyond belief. She Chews everything, No really, It's a problem, She Chewed all my cords to my ps4 and it's controllers and She chewed up My psvr. This alone, wouldn't have been enough to get me as upset as I got. But, She has chewed up almost everything in my whole home she can get her teeth on. She has cost me at least five thousand dollars in just a month's time. I was angry, So I gave her a butt whoopin.
But, That didn't really stop how angry I was so I began yelling at her, Angrily. No, You don't understand, An outside observer would think I was about to kill her or something, "She thought that" She was scared and trembling.
But, Then I begin Hitting the Chair she was hiding under, screaming at her, "you think this is a joke!! You are going to be an outside Dog, I don't even know If I want you anymore!!!"
Let me tell you something, Even as mad as I was, Even At the time I said it, I knew that wasn't true. I love her with all my heart, She met me at Gitchis Grave.
I'm so sorry for that, I literally hurt in my heart. Roxy Forgave me, And she still loves me, But I should have never lost my temper like that, I should have never went there emotionally, I hate myself right now, Truly and fully.
You should hate me too, I am a bad person.