An interesting discussion you don't want to miss.

Discussion in 'Social Hub' started by Shadowprophet, Sep 1, 2019.

  1. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    So I want your opinion about this, It's a difficult and even sensitive topic, but I need the candid truth and I know you will give me that. I trust you guys.

    I've been more or less more active lately, Well, Honestly I've been crazy active, I havent been around as much as I would like, So, I thought I would drop a tiny piece of my life down here for discussion. I have Family in Indiana, They have always been extremely wealthy snobs who think they are better than everyone else. That's not me slamming on them, They are this way.

    My cousin Kathy Who is the only family member up there of about thirty people who actually speaks to me, Wanted to organize a Family reunion. So, Her and I have been organizing this massive get together. Now, here is the thing, A point of contention to my entire family, Is an uncle we have... Let us just say he has committed the worst crime you can imagine, "Yeah" It's that one, The one you are thinking. So Many of the family have sent their invitations back stating they are not coming if this man comes to the reunion. I was even Attacked by several of them. Just for calling him, my uncle. They tried to force me to disown him. I don't believe in disowning people. I believe the man spent twenty-five years in prison and was released into society by the state of Indiana. So I made my point clear, He Did the worst thing a person can do by the measure of today's society many of the family have disowned him, They make valid points. And they are entitled to disown him. I bear them no ill will for that. What does piss me off is they are ready and willing to disown me for offering the man a hot meal.

    Look the world is a hard harsh place with much evil in it. And I understand rightfully if someone doesn't want to associate with someone who has done this thing he did. However, there is empathy, there is this part to me that sees a man who has lost everything even his family he is an outcast who people even wish death upon. I do not support what he did. But, hate is a thing I've spent my entire life fighting against. Hate never fixed anything, It never healed anyone. And to a lesser degree, I feel If I do let myself feel things like anger and hate this would be really mentally unhealthy for me.


    So the Crux of this is, I have an Uncle, Who did do the bad thing that no one should ever do, He is now out of prison, And he served twenty-five years. I feel, That By the decree of the state, He has paid for his crimes, and I should be able to give him a hot meal to eat without people hating me for doing this... Now, I have been honest with you, about the entire subject. Am I an evil person for not Disowning him like the rest of the family? It's not like I condone what he did. Or support what he did. I just don't have bitterness and hate in me, I've spent too long removing those kinds of negative emotions and I don't want to feel hate and bitterness.

    What do you guys think? I really do want your opinions on this. Because My family in Indiana was and will be less understanding than you guys.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2019
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  2. Thomas R. Morrison

    Thomas R. Morrison Administrator

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    1,206
    Some of the best people I know did horrible things when they were younger. Given that he was sentenced to a 25-year prison term, I assume that we're talking about murder. I'd want to know the circumstances of that crime, and who he is today, before passing judgement.

    Life is complex - far more complex than most people are willing to consider, so I base my assessments on the full data set rather than one data point. But there are single data points that I find to be intrinsically unforgivable. The substance is in the details, imo.
     
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  3. Double Nought Spy

    Double Nought Spy Easily Amused

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    It's one thing to let him into your home. That's your business and your immediate family's and no one else's.

    A family reunion though is another matter. It's not like he was disowned for marrying someone from some "wrong" religion or something. You are fixing to do much, much more than simply offering him a hot meal. You are insisting they tolerate someone they loathe. That's a recipe for some messy drama, for sure. They all have come to terms with him and his actions, one way or another, and you won't change any of that.

    Anyway, it's not just your decision and if you want a successful reunion you will probably have to disinvite him. There are reasons most people don't volunteer to set up family get-togethers.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2019
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  4. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet Truthiness

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    3,760

    No one want's to know the details, That's why I was so vague about it. But yes, It's an understandably unforgivable thing he did, And Truly I understand where they are coming from, I think My thing is, I just don't want to feel like they are controlling me or forcing me to disown him. If that makes any sense.


    Oh yeah, You know, I was never the person in the past that organized these kinds of things, And yes, yeah I learned several valuable lessons about this whole thing. My intentions were just honestly to have the family come together. And I did consider disinviting him, But my family makes me feel like they are controlling me to do that. It's not that I am ununderstanding about where they are coming from, It's just, THey make me feel like a puppet that should dance for them... It's a wrong feeling, I won't be offering to organize any family reunions after this one. That's a promise lol
     
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  5. pigfarmer

    pigfarmer tall, thin, irritable

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    I'd say have the man over but not for the reunion. Half your family can't force you to disown him. The other half can't force you to accept him either.

    If he committed whatever crime against family members (code for 'did he f*** children??) then I'd probably be one of the ones who doesn't want to deal with him. Forgiveness has it's limits.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2019
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  6. nivek

    nivek As Above So Below

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    If you meant by "Life" as in individuals as well, most definitely...Some people are very complex individuals and it is sometimes difficult to judge or understand their behavior...There is one of my engineers who has been riding me hard for a few days, I mean not in an asshole way but questioning me when he doesn't see me for a few hours or being very demanding of my time when it wasn't required and very pushy...This morning he was totally different, extremely pleasant and had excellent communication, nothing like I had been getting from him, we had coffee at a break and were talking and I almost asked him what was going on the last 10 days when he brought up the subject himself...

    Turns out he thinks very highly of me and thought I was making great changes since I took over their department but was afraid every time I went across the street to another building to give them assistance that they were going to try to keep me over here lol...He was reacting from his own thoughts and feelings about the situation and was unintentionally making my work with him harder when he really was trying to show how much I was needed here lol...Something he could have just straight out asked me and discussed with me but instead was being reactionary to his own thoughts outwardly...I told him my door was always open for any questions or discussion...

    ...
     
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