Long one here ...... hope it makes sense.
I’m not even sure I fully grok the contents of the crock pot that is my skull. Ladders, social strata, ‘woke’ nonsense – to me it’s impossible to pull one piece out without having some of the rest of it on it.
Well, in that regard take on of my aunts as an example. Self-starter, highly motivated and intelligent, had a couple of successful careers, did very well for herself. If she has an opinion, and believe me she
always does, I make a point to listen to her. Doesn’t mean I agree or will take it. She can be arrogant and definitely capable of looking down her nose and being incredibly dismissive. Well aware of social strata shall we say. Until she encounters a black person.
She’s ultra-liberal and ‘woke’ and incidentally, Jewish. She foists herself upon various churches who appear to be more than willing to take her money and who are probably wondering what the hell is wrong with her. She recently expressed the desire, at age 80+, to adopt a black child. WTF? I told her she’d better adopt a 35 year old. Color blind and oblivious to her own hypocrisy. Everyone else is readily assigned a rung on the ladder below hers. Gratuitously apologetic noblesse oblige.
Ahh, but aren’t we all full of our own s**t? The correct amount means self-confidence and is healthy. She’s an obvious example of the wrong amount. These past couple of years have given me insight about how we file things.
I had a fantastic job I really enjoyed for a very long time. I remember very clearly a meeting on Jan 5 2012 when I suddenly realized that one too many watertight compartments had been compromised and we were going down. Took action accordingly and prepared very well. It slipped under the waves in May 2017 for me. Like you
@pepe , I got war stories that would make Hunter S. Thompson blanch, or would if he hadn’t done that really stupid thing he did. Don’t you sometimes give a sideways glance at the healthy normal folks around you who would never dream of such things and have a secret chuckle? Wouldn’t trade one minute of it but if I found out a family member tried anything like that I’d send them to the Foreign Legion immediately.
I have a very, very dear friend who has spent the past 15+ years trapped in his apartment as a remote support engineer and he’s become increasingly nutty. We are social creatures that require real human contact and ‘virtual’ contact isn’t the same thing. For a long post it’s too long to describe here but I had been trying to tell him what was going to happen and he couldn’t – wouldn’t – see what was coming. Arrogant. We’ve all been there. When the blade fell I was very worried for him.
Now we get into what the hell do you do with yourself in your late 50’s? I could go on about age discrimination, all too real. Anybody’s who ever been on a blind date and saw that ‘look’ in the first ten seconds and had to waste the next hour or two knowing you were pissing up a rope knows what it is. Interviews go like that. So I tried a few things that didn’t pan out and it’s very upsetting, but also very much a First World problem. Actually, I don’t really care about that as they are
my problems, but I do have perspective – and fortunately, some options.
I have been loathe to mention this here but as I consider this I realize it’s my whole point. I’m under zero pressure to get back in the game, in fact I’ve been avoiding the real pressure cookers deliberately and have been picky. But I am a social animal and was getting more than a little nutty sitting here like my friend so I took a part time job at a local big box retailer. A big orange one if you get my drift. It puts a little gas in my truck, gets me out of the house and is 9 minutes away. High volume contractor store and I am the Minister of Electrical Contrivances. I’m not an electrician but can spew residential and commercial nonsense at anybody all day long. Tons of experience with it and I found a niche. A dirty filthy niche. Along with that I stack boxes and deal with homeowners doing things they shouldn't even be touching. I'm not there to assist suicide.
So finally, here’s my point. I’m not ‘woke’ and never felt I placed myself above anyone else but realized I did because of my stupid job. That’s why I have been reluctant to admit where I work. Not that I had to here but I’m trying to craft a turd. I worked very hard at my old job and picked up a lot of skills – I’d be a very, very handy guy to have around post-Apocalypse. But I have to admit this place has served as a mirror to show me how I must’ve looked to others and it’s been a bright shiny wire wheel to strip away all that arrogance. And like a wire wheel it ain’t picky and took away a lot of other stuff too. Self-confidence is one thing but a dose of humility must temper it. Sometimes that’s code for having your nose rubbed in s**t like a puppy who made a mess on the floor in order to get the message. My friend rebounded somewhat but not really. He still thinks his old job has elevated him somehow and just found a smaller hook to hang his ego on. And to be fair, the place I’m at isn’t any place to stay but I say that without looking down my nose and for more practical reasons. I say it because I am underutilized and am rusting in place. It would be too easy to kick back and be a victim and if I did that I’m only cheating myself. I can do more and will, eventually. Like a race motor I go like hell with the loudpedal pinned to the floor but can’t idle worth a damn. Doesn’t make me better than anyone else in that big orange colostomy bag, it’s just how I’m wired. There are folks there who had certain things figured out long ago that I failed to see and that my aunt never will.
People are people first and everything else second. Social strata are very real no doubt but it’s a thin veneer that can be wiped away very, very easily. In the end some people just try harder than others, and some are more capable of self-reflection and honesty than others. Maybe it’s where we’re at in our reincarnation cycle. Working where I do I get to see all sorts. All of the clichés are totally real but if you take the time to be observant you can see past a lot of it. Learning is where you find it. I consider myself a student of the human condition and this place is a graduate course in it. I also consider myself a shark in the coy pond there who, at the moment, is sated and causing no trouble.
I said this had a paranormal tie-in and it does, really. When someone presents themselves and brings some story along with it I consider the human being first and the details second. Skeptical yes, but the old saying ‘consider the source’ is apt. Credentials, money, position speak about what you’ve done, not who you are.