Shadowprophet
Truthiness
You know, When I was younger, I was a different person, It blows peoples minds that I can be who I am and then Be someone different when I flip out. That's just part of being bipolar, But, I do understand all of my different sides and why they are that way. When I was in college, my first wife got pregnant, My whole life played before me I could see it, My Daughter would be born, I would finish college and write a thesis on how the Multiverse is a flawed concept.
Then things happened, I lost both my daughters And I tell you, People say Time heals all wounds, Those people lie, Til this very moment, IT's like it just happened, I could Scream cry and attack all at the same time. The sting never goes away, not even a little bit.
I took my angry young self, And did a lot of Meth over a short period of time, "About six months" Meth was a weird drug, But it did one thing very well, It made the hurting stop. However, I saw what it was doing to all my friends, I saw how it made them crazy, I saw how they lost their minds. I saw how the lost everything important to them and I saw how they got caught and went to prison. I am a man of willpower, If I have one trait that defines me it's willpower, Nothing or no one will control me, SO, When it came time to put down the pipe, I did it in style. I walked away from the drug and began, Well, To be perfectly honest, I uhh, Had a lot of sex with a lot of married women. You would be shocked how easy that was to do.. No feelings, No guilt. Just destroying marriage after marriage. I was worse than an asshole, I was the kind of person people hoped they would never meet Because It didn't matter what she looked like, I would do your wife, And I would do it because I hurt so much, that I wanted other people to hurt too. People think I am this Soft person, And I worked hard to become the person I Am, I truly am soft. But I'm also a monster. Or I used to be, I've spent the last twenty years of my life killing that side of me.
I want to say, I have no excuse for the person I was, I lost my daughters, And It hurt so bad, I was looking for someone to shoot me. I didn't care who it was, but no one ever did. I don't know what happened to me, I can't pinpoint an exact time, But Something in me changed, And I began to really care about people, and myself. I feel this constant guilt because, No matter how good of a person I become, I wrecked so many homes. I consider myself irredeemable. If there is one solace to all of this, it would be, At some point, I did change and I don't know why I began to care, I stopped the hard drugs, " like completely, I haven't done hard drugs in twenty years" And then things just got better, I took up studying again, I began sharpening my mind, First as a way to escape reality, Then, As a way to truly better myself.
There is just one thing I don't understand, even when I was at my worst, People still liked me, I fully never deserved for people to like me, Especially at my worst, Yet they did. And you guys, When I'm an asshole you like me, And when I'm at my best You like me. I truly don't deserve friends like you you know.. In the end, Its for the same reason, No one ever shot me when I fully deserved to be shot. I'm just lucky to have people like you guys around me. Thank you for being there, but a word of advice, don't let your wives near me.. I'm a total slut...
SP.
Then things happened, I lost both my daughters And I tell you, People say Time heals all wounds, Those people lie, Til this very moment, IT's like it just happened, I could Scream cry and attack all at the same time. The sting never goes away, not even a little bit.
I took my angry young self, And did a lot of Meth over a short period of time, "About six months" Meth was a weird drug, But it did one thing very well, It made the hurting stop. However, I saw what it was doing to all my friends, I saw how it made them crazy, I saw how they lost their minds. I saw how the lost everything important to them and I saw how they got caught and went to prison. I am a man of willpower, If I have one trait that defines me it's willpower, Nothing or no one will control me, SO, When it came time to put down the pipe, I did it in style. I walked away from the drug and began, Well, To be perfectly honest, I uhh, Had a lot of sex with a lot of married women. You would be shocked how easy that was to do.. No feelings, No guilt. Just destroying marriage after marriage. I was worse than an asshole, I was the kind of person people hoped they would never meet Because It didn't matter what she looked like, I would do your wife, And I would do it because I hurt so much, that I wanted other people to hurt too. People think I am this Soft person, And I worked hard to become the person I Am, I truly am soft. But I'm also a monster. Or I used to be, I've spent the last twenty years of my life killing that side of me.
I want to say, I have no excuse for the person I was, I lost my daughters, And It hurt so bad, I was looking for someone to shoot me. I didn't care who it was, but no one ever did. I don't know what happened to me, I can't pinpoint an exact time, But Something in me changed, And I began to really care about people, and myself. I feel this constant guilt because, No matter how good of a person I become, I wrecked so many homes. I consider myself irredeemable. If there is one solace to all of this, it would be, At some point, I did change and I don't know why I began to care, I stopped the hard drugs, " like completely, I haven't done hard drugs in twenty years" And then things just got better, I took up studying again, I began sharpening my mind, First as a way to escape reality, Then, As a way to truly better myself.
There is just one thing I don't understand, even when I was at my worst, People still liked me, I fully never deserved for people to like me, Especially at my worst, Yet they did. And you guys, When I'm an asshole you like me, And when I'm at my best You like me. I truly don't deserve friends like you you know.. In the end, Its for the same reason, No one ever shot me when I fully deserved to be shot. I'm just lucky to have people like you guys around me. Thank you for being there, but a word of advice, don't let your wives near me.. I'm a total slut...
SP.
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