This was illuminating. I did not want to write things behind Gene's back. So I asked him some of the questions I have had:
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In response, Gene wrote:
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It's Gene's forum. I'll let him have the last word there. I don't see much need to unpack his statement here, but I will say this.
I might have drawn the line a lot tighter when Stephen was charged with 13 counts of theft and frauded, and after he entered a guilty plea in a plea bargain. I probably would not have drained my retirement, Grayson's college savings, and taken out loans I could not repay. Taking Gene at his word, though, I respect that he wanted to help his family.
Still, did Gene cross the line when he asked for money without revealing the full story? Perhaps Gene forgot that an email attributed to his son falsely described the victim and the situation:
It is possible that Gene was another victim of Stephen's and simply repeated what he was told about a settlement. Yet, even if Gene somehow did not realize that Stephen had lied to him until recently, then an apology is still in order.
He asked for money under what turned out to be false pretenses. His family attacked the victim. He left most of the story untold - perhaps because he realized that people would not give to help a felon who was subject to a massive restitution order.
Even if Gene did not know all of the story at the time - even if he mistakenly believed Stephen - the moral response would be to apologize for having misled people. It does not matter that Gene thought he was being the good guy or that he believed Stephen. Is he sorry for his actions in light of what he now knows for certain?
Until he understands that, I see no need to write him again about the many questions that were raised by his bankruptcy. There were matters there that should have led him to apologize - asking for money while spending large amounts each month on a new car is just the tip of that.
Gene, take responsibility for your situation. Then we'll talk.