There is no answer.

Discussion in 'Social Place' started by Shadowprophet, Nov 20, 2018.

  1. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet N=R^.fp.ne.f1.fi.fc.L

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    Don't worry, While how I was feeling isn't an overall feeling that I'm used too. It does have all the signs that it's connected to me being bipolar. Even now, After some sleep, I already feel a lot better. My worry is, The bipolar issue is getting worse. I used to be something I could struggle with and even though I couldn't outright overcome it, I could Pretend and Act and make myself act normally. Even if I didn't feel normal, This one though. It was nearly beyond my control completely, even realizing it was an episode, I was unable to really control it. I think I need to see the doctor and get back on my medications.


    But I will be fine. My true biggest struggle is, I don't want to have to rely on medications. But, It seems like I may have too.
     
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  2. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet N=R^.fp.ne.f1.fi.fc.L

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    Thank you brother, I appreciate this, I can identify with all of this. My thing Is, I never want to share the bad times or the dark times, I don't want to bring people down.

    My whole life has felt like a constant mountain I'm climbing. There is always adversity, But, For me, unless there is a challenge of some kind to overcome, I get bored. So I intentionally set myself up for challenges whether it's in education, I will intentionally choose to try to understand something incredibly difficult like quantum physics. And I don't give myself any room to fail. I will continue forcing myself through it and when I find a problem I can not understand. I will do away with it and replace it with something even more difficult, I do this for every aspect of my life, Socially, I will intentionally say the most awkward things to make the social setting challenging so I have a goal to work toward.

    When I began doing these things, I think I was a child. But it's part of my personality now, I set myself up so that nothing is ever easy for me.

    Sometimes, I break. And I do it to myself. Where the worry comes in, At this point, I'm unable to stop doing that because now, It's in my personality to do this, So I've already set myself up for a challenge before I even made the decision.

    I've been too hard on myself, For an unknown number of years The stress of it all, The desire to just experience life without all the challenges I set up is overwhelming at times. What I would give to just wake up one morning, Not have to overcome any kind of challenge and just truly relax.

    When I say things Like I'm ready for a break, I almost never mean, The forums, Or the internet. I'm ready for a break from my own purgatory that I created for myself.
     
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  3. Shadowprophet

    Shadowprophet N=R^.fp.ne.f1.fi.fc.L

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    Thank you brother, I'm going to read this and maybe it will help, I've studied chakras before And while I do Believe in it, I feel like the overall understanding of Chacras limits, In Chacras there are these energy points and one of only a handful of different energies.

    The way I've come to understand Energy is, Energy is literally everywhere, Inside you, inside me, inside Nivek, Inside every living thing and some unliving things, and the energy itself can be positive or negative, primarily, But it's not limited to just that, every person, every animal every plant every insect has its own energy that can be positive or negative, But, it carries something unique to that individual, a reflection of the individuals " Will or intention" <-- Maybe

    I do fully believe in Chacras, But I believe the whole energy issue, is much deeper and more intricate than that.
    Although the Chacra theory does a fantastic Job of teaching about energy and organizing it though :)
     
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